


Unknown Pleasures

by inkrush81



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: 80s Themed Parties, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Grad School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BDSM elements, Canon-Typical Violence, Cis Ladies, Dysfunctional Relationships, Edging, F/F, Hux is Not Nice, Hux is Some Cold Shit, Promiscuity, Sandwiches, Semi-Public Sex, Violent Fantasies, poor communication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 13:48:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 42,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7054291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkrush81/pseuds/inkrush81
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ren had enough on her plate with fencing competitions, getting her PhD in dark matter physics, and just generally living up to her grandfather’s legacy, that she hadn't thought too hard about the enemies-with-benefits thing she had going with Hux. But it was after a summer apart, in a lab on the other side of the world, that Ren realized she may want more from their nebulous relationship than Hux was willing to give.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Interzone

**Author's Note:**

> I thought to myself: we need a modern ladies AU. So this is what came about. I had estimated it being like 15k. _Ha._
> 
> The title of the work and chapter titles are from the Joy Division Album of the same name. Phasma’s gf is heavily inspired by @sinfulucifer’s discussion of her on their blog. http://sinfullucifer.tumblr.com/tagged/captains-gf
> 
> I want to thank my wonderful artist, [Moony](http://themoonrulznny.tumblr.com/), who not only gave me some really encouraging words along the way, but created the most amazing companion piece, which you will soon see below. It’s just gorgeous and I still can’t believe it exists! 
> 
> And also thank [Goodshipophelia](http://goodshipophelia.tumblr.com/), who generously offered to beta this at the last possible minute. They are a life saver who I owe a drink!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And I was looking for a friend of mine._

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

At the start of every school year, the graduate colleges of Yale University came together to arrange a mixer. It was meant to serve a number of purposes, their orientation leader explained to Ren and a portion of the other incoming graduate students when she was first accepted. The most obvious was to ‘kick the year off right,’ but it had the added benefit of allowing them to form tenuous connections to the graduates outside their cohorts. As if they could develop some semblance of a professional network or supposed friendships with people they would probably only catch glimpses of around campus once classes resumed.

Ren didn’t care for that kind of posturing. Never had. She wasn’t much for socializing outside of her cohort and even then it was a stretch. Which was why when she received the email notification two weeks ago, still in Auckland and finishing up her internship, she had disregarded the invite. Unlike some of her peers, Ren had no intention of staying in the ivory tower once she earned her doctorate. Research was where she was headed.

Research, breakthroughs, and greatness.

After all, Ren was going to restore her grandfather’s name to its rightful glory. His research had been stolen from him and he’d been called a fraud. Anakin Skywalker had died in disgrace, trying to clear his name in a freak lab accident. It had fallen to Ren to ensure that his legacy was restored, since the rest of her family believed he was a crook and a fake. She knew the best way she could do that was succeed herself.

None of the network connections she still needed could be made at a college graduate student mixer. Ren was sure of that. The mix of sciences in her cohort let her feel like she was in touch with a good cross section of the different kinds of students at Yale, as they had chem, bio, physics of course, one robotics, computer programing, even some behavioral sciences, including one notable sociologist. Ren was a part of Snoke’s cohort, colloquially known around campus as the First Order. It had been dubbed that mainly for the strictness of Snoke’s expectations and the cohort’s reputation for success in their respective fields. Grads that didn’t transfer out were almost destined for greatness. They were certainly prepared for the cost of it.

This upcoming year was particularly important because, after two and a half years of research courses and studies, they would finally be able to present their dissertation proposals and begin their doctoral studies in earnest. In just under three months, they would be given the green light to start their independent research. Ren could hardly wait.

The point was that Ren didn’t need to go to some lame university-sponsored attempt at getting her to spend the night with obsequious sycophants. Despite this, Ren had the mixer’s Facebook event page open and staring at the alarming number of her acquaintances who said they were going to this ‘80s themed train-wreck. Every grad student on the fencing team and nearly all of the First Order were attending. Including Phasma, Tina, and Hux.

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

The party was already in full swing when Ren finally accepted that she would make an appearance. It had been a short walk from her shoebox of apartment to the Warner House, home of the graduate school main offices. Students were spilling out into the front lawn, taking advantage of the nice clear evening and warm weather.

She recognized some of the other grads from prior events she had been coerced to attend as she climbed the stone steps and entered the party proper.

It almost seemed like a waking nightmare. Ren would wonder if it was, if she hadn’t already experienced one of those that week. Flying from Auckland back to the East Coast had been actual hell. That flight (well, those flights, but it may as well have only been one flight with all the quick succession booking that Snoke had arranged) had been one of the worst experiences in her life. By hour five of the _first_ flight, she’d been pacing the aisle, the flight attendants giving her weary looks. When they landed in Japan, Ren had scoured the terminal for a package of sleeping pills. It was a fucking miracle they’d kicked in just after the plane had taken off from Tokyo and she hadn’t had another layover till they landed at JFK.

Even with all these people milling around in ridiculous outfits, Ren didn’t see anyone worth talking to, and more to the point, no one who was worth attending this fiasco for. She was just glad that her all black wardrobe was timeless. Blessedly, Ren found the bar. She flashed her ID to the bartender and he handed over a cheap complimentary beer that merely attending the party entitled her to.

A glance at the label caused Ren to grimace. She briefly tried to reconcile the tuition she was expected to pay with the swill the university was foisting upon them. In the end though, booze was booze and Ren took a long pull from the bottle as she drifted into the next room looking for anyone worth talking to, when a shock of short copper hair caught her eye.

The entire party coalesced around Hux in that moment.

The unreality of seeing her in the flesh for the first time in three and a half months was only exaggerated by the fact that Hux looked like she had stepped out of a time machine from thirty years ago.

Hux had way too many chain necklaces on over her white button up, matched with a lacy black top, black leggings that came down to her calves and some ratty Converse Hightops. Over it all, Hux wore a leather jacket like a second skin. The fit seemed to designate it as actually belonging to her and not something she picked up at a rental shop or thrift store last minute. In fact the whole ensemble looked vaguely familiar, even if Ren had never seen it all paired together before. Hux, Ren suspected, had always been the paragon of put together since she was a small child.

Hux’s jacket collar was turned up, covering a portion of the slender line of her neck. She topped the ensemble off with lace fingerless gloves and a huge dangly earring hanging off one ear. It had to be a clip on.

Most stunning of all was her hair. She appeared to have let it grow out over the summer. Hux’s hair, which was usually all around pretty short, was now long enough on the top to clip back, making a quiff, though the sides were still short. Buzzed closer than Ren had usually seen them. She had streaks of plum and turquoise paint running from front to back .

Both of the colors complimented her copper hair, but it was the blue that had been applied as eyeliner, stark against her pale skin. Hux’s skin was still the milky color it had been last spring, proof of how she’d spent her summer. Not that Ren was any better, but at least she had a reasonable excuse. It had been winter in New Zealand.

As she made her way over to them, Ren got a better look at the girl Hux was charming. She too had gone all out with the ‘80s theme, acid washed jean overalls and a horrible orange shirt. She looked rather plain and the messy mop of brown hair tied up with a swath of frilly orange netting didn’t say much for her.

Ren watched them for several more moments. The brown haired girl in those horrible overalls laughed at something Hux said. Hux looked mildly pleased.

Hux could do better. Ren had seen her do better, in fact. But at least the interest in the girl’s eyes was real. She probably wasn’t one of those ‘straight girls’ who would let Hux eat them out, but only behind the bushes. Once Hux had confided she liked trying to score with women who had thought of themselves as only straight. Ren would never forget Hux’s particular smirk when she’d said she liked the challenge. Ren had wanted to shove Hux up against the nearest wall and kiss that smirk off her face right then.

Seeing Hux now, after three and a half months of being on opposites sides of the world, Ren knew she had been kidding herself if she thought she’d come here tonight for any other reason than to get her mouth on Hux’s.

Ren took the final steps that would put her in Hux’s space, only to shamelessly drape herself across Hux’s back. Her arms wrapped around Hux in a parody of a hug and ended in her resting her chin on Hux’s shoulder. It only took affecting her stoop slightly. Ren had retained her improper posture through years of Skywalker attempting to train it out of her in his dance academy and then later on the priste. Her slouch was a point of pride now, if Ren was being honest. It was immensely satisfying to see the brown haired girl’s eyes widen in surprise, even if Hux’s own response was mild at best.

“Ren, you’re back,” Hux said sounding completely unfazed by Ren’s arrival. She always seemed to have a sixth sense about Ren if she was trying to be sneaky. A talent which apparently persisted even after three and a half months of separation.

“So I am,” Ren all but breathed into Hux’s ear.

Hux hummed, but didn’t push her off, which boded well for Ren but her gaze was still trained on the other girl. Annoying. Hux was either trying to get under Ren’s skin or the unthinkable had happened.

Ren suddenly worried that Hux had somehow in the span of three months acquired a girlfriend, not some pseudo-enemies-with-benefits thing that she and Ren had going. It was an absurd thought because Hux was notorious for one-night-stands. When Ren first met her, she would have never pegged Hux for that particular streak of recklessness. But then Hux wasn’t as easy a read as she let everyone believe. She dealt exclusively in bar flings and back room quickies. And she never fucked the same girl twice.

Well, until Ren, that was.

Ren wasn’t sure what it was about her that made Hux forgo her rules on that front, but Ren wasn’t going to push Hux to tell her either. She was only half worried that if Hux examined what they did together outside of classes, she would stop. Then again, Hux never did things on mere impulse.

Regardless of Hux’s reasoning, it wasn’t like they were anything more. They absolutely were not dating. Nor were they something that most would consider even friends. So maybe Ren was being kind of pathetic. Still, she couldn’t help pushing Hux.

 

 

“Mel, this is Kylo Ren,” Hux said, addressing the brown haired girl. “She’s in Snoke’s cohort with me.”

“Good to meet you, Kylo,” Mel said thrusting out her hand. “I believe I’ve heard your name before.”

Ren eyed the proffered hand for several moments, before Hux elbowed her in the ribs. Ren sighed inwardly, taking it with no concealed reluctance, arm snaking out from behind Hux. She gave the girl’s hand a brief pump before returning her own hand to Hux’s hip.

“Well, I think I might get a refill,” Mel said, gesturing to her near empty beer bottle and speaking solely to Hux. “Did you want anything?”

“I’m still working on this,” Hux said, holding up her red solo cup of punch. Even from her perch on Hux’s shoulder, the drink smelled too ginny to have been solely the product of the party’s benefactors.

The other girl grimaced, eyeing the way Ren was still hovering in Hux’s space, before scurrying away with what could only be disappointment in her gait. Ren didn’t dwell on it, just tightened her grip on Hux.

“You think you’re so clever, don’t you?” Hux said.

Ren shrugged. Hux finally turned around taking in the sight of her. “You take too long reeling them in. It’s almost like,” Ren paused, as if considering, “you’re _waiting_ for me to find you.” The unimpressed eyebrow Hux gave her in response was a sight for Ren’s travel weary eyes.

“It’s called a seduction, Ren,” Hux said, before taking another sip of her spiked punch. “How was Auckland?”

“Productive,” Ren said. She would offer more if she actually thought Hux was interested, or if she wanted to spend the whole night talking. “You?”

“We’re still in the SIM phase, actually,” Hux said sounding pleased, despite not having received the green light to move out of the project’s initial non-human subject component for the past last three months. “But the program is amassing support every day.”

Ren nodded. She’s not surprised. Hux’s summer work was the beginnings of a massive new program for the Department of Defense. Highly classified. The only reason Ren knew anything about it at all was Snoke always insisted they take their office hours with him at the same time. Honestly, Ren wasn’t entirely sure how Hux managed to head up the project, as she had only earned her Master’s last year and her own research was only getting off the ground. Still she must have gotten some higher-up in her pocket, on Capitol Hill or even in the Pentagon, because Hux was no politician. Most of their cohort had even started calling her the general during the middle of last term. It was a nod to Hux for not only making a bid on a Defense contract and then _getting_ it, but also a dig against her for the way she operated her life. Regimented, precise, ruthlessly efficient, and cold.

Ren felt someone’s gaze on her. When she glanced over, she saw Mel surreptitiously staring across the crowded space at Hux. Ren repressed the urge to march over to the mousy girl herself and physically turn her head so she wasn’t staring like that anymore. As if Hux’s dismissal of her hadn’t been a plain enough rejection. Instead, Ren stepped fully back into Hux’s space, slouching down to breath into Hux’s ear:

“Maybe you just needed me around to bounce your ideas off of,” Ren said. It wasn’t lost on Ren that Hux had leaned ever so slightly into what was left of Ren’s own space.

Ren had the brief urge to just stay there breathing Hux in. But now that she had Hux’s attention, Ren wanted to jerk her around some more. Leia had always told her that it was impolite to play with her food before she ate it. But Hux was just so pretty riled up.

Ren had always bordered on self destructive.

She pulled away and met Mel’s eyes across the room. The girl was looking cross, had probably seen how Hux had momentarily followed Ren as she had pulled away. Ren grinned. Hux frowned perplexed at Ren’s own inattention to her and turns in time to follow Ren’s line of sight and see Mel ducking out of view.

"Did you have to do that? She was kind of interesting."

"Oh?" Ren asked, turning back to Hux. “Like she'd let you grind her wrists into a brick wall?”

Hux’s eyes flashed, suddenly more black than green. “Don't _tease_ , Ren, unless you plan to follow through."

Hux had a sadistic streak that curled around her bones. More often than not, her comments were barbed to draw blood. She would always smirk when she had Ren’s arm twisted behind her back just a little too tightly; so it would hedge slightly more on the pained side of their pleasure/pain dynamic. It certainly got Ren hotter than most of the other fucks she'd had around campus.

In Ren’s opinion, it was undoubtedly one of Hux’s best qualities.

“This _is_ a brick and mortar building,” Ren stated.

"And you want to go snog behind the withering hydrangea bushes?” Hux asked, equal measures tempting and sarcastic.

Ren shrugged. That wasn’t her first choice, but she wouldn’t object. It wasn’t like they hadn’t fucked in worse places. “As long as you welcome me back properly.”

Hux rolled her eyes, in petty exasperation that seemed to fuel more than drain her energy. "Come on."

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

Hux led her up the narrow staircase to the second floor offices, leaving most of the party behind. They weren’t alone though. There were a few other grads paired off talking in hushed tones or trying to suck each other’s faces off. Hux breezed passed them, stopping in front of the fifth or sixth door and turning the door knob, only to find it locked. She rolled her eyes before continuing further down the hall.

The second door Hux tried opened easily. She peeked her head into the room, before pulling Ren in after her.

Ren was only vaguely aware she’d never been in this professor’s office and wondered if Hux knew whose it was; if she chose this room on purpose. Hux bolted the door and turned to face her. Ren decided she couldn’t give less of a fuck about Hux’s petty and entirely hypothetical revenge scheme as she smashed their lips together.

The lace of Hux’s gloves felt soft against Ren’s neck as Hux tried to pull her closer. Ren blindly herded her towards the unsuspecting teacher’s desk, remarkably uncluttered, even if the term hadn’t started yet. They bumped up against it before Hux sat herself on the edge, pulling Ren flush between her spread legs.

Ren took the space gladly and ducked down to steal another kiss from Hux. There was teeth this time, nipping and pulling, as Ren gripped Hux’s hips harder. When they finally break apart, Ren hooked her thumbs under Hux’s leggings and underwear and gave Hux another quick peck on the lips, before dropping to her knees.

“Eager,” Hux chuckled, looking down at Ren. “I thought you wanted _me_ to welcome _you_ back.”

“Shut up,” Ren hissed pulling the leggings down around Hux’s knees.

“I take it you missed me,” Hux said still looking down at Ren.

Ren didn’t deign to respond verbally. Merely pushed Hux’s legs further apart and lapped into her. Hux let out a choked gasp like she hadn’t expected Ren to forgo all teasing and just lick her.

It was music to Ren’s ears. As much as Ren didn’t have much patience tonight, she still edged her tongue around Hux’s clit, not licking it, not quite yet at least. The musky taste of her hadn’t changed much over the summer.

She _had_ missed this. Had missed Hux.

Hux threaded her fingers through Ren’s hair, close to the roots and curling in tightly.

Ren wasted no time in working up a rhythm, quick sure strokes of her tongue against Hux’s clit. It wasn’t long before she’s got Hux writhing in place, twisting her grip in Ren’s hair, her hips working to get Ren to press harder. To lick at her faster.

Ren reveled in the taste of her and the view above her; Hux’s heavy-lidded stare and impetuous desire for release. Then Hux was coming. Ren continued to lick her through it.

The hand that Hux still had twisted in Ren’s hair tugged up. Ren got the idea and rising to her feet, She kissed Hux. Letting the other girl taste herself on Ren’s tongue. Ren hummed in appreciation when Hux’s hands found their way under her shirt. They slid up Ren’s sides and proceed to roll her breasts through her bra as the two continued to kiss. When Ren moaned into Hux’s mouth, her hands moved from Ren’s breasts and her fingernails raked down the sides of Ren’s back.

Hux’s fingernails had always been rough. She wasn’t afraid to dig them into Ren’s skin as an indication of pleasure or discomfort. Today they were a bit longer than the length she usually kept them. Probably would have been a turn off to that mousy fuck of a girl Hux had been pursuing earlier, Ren thought smugly. _She_ on the other hand enjoyed the occasional bite their tips could give her.

It was a convenient lapse in memory on Hux’s part, _possibly_. Practically every time they did this, they walk away all marked up. Hux knew Ren liked it rough. Liked the reminder for later, liked the pain of it. Hux was only too happy to give it to her.

They had never been exclusive and Ren could never come up with a label for what they actually were to each other. Which was probably why Ren tended to be as pressing and would bite into Hux as she did. If she was being honest Ren doesn't like the idea of Hux letting other ladies touch her, of her touching other women. Oddly, it didn't used to bother her, but somewhere in the last three months of not being there to distract Hux from other eligible girls in any given club put Ren off distinctly.

Ren could almost see Hux fresh off of the Department of Defense’s campus, heading into one of DC’s LGBT friendly clubs and picking up a girl with ease. She could see the scene so clearly as if she'd witnessed it if only because Ren had already seen Hux pick up so many other girls. At the mere thought of it, something that burned an awful lot like jealousy twisted in Ren’s gut and she bit into Hux's lip harder than she'd meant to.

Hux pulled back from Ren’s grip, though not out of it entirely. Even in the faint light that was coming through the slatted blinds, Ren could see blood leaking from the rip in Hux's lip. Ren almost felt bad but then Hux was grinning. It was a nasty thing.

Hux dropped her feet to the floor and shoved Ren hard toward the bookcase on the wall behind the desk. Hux followed her across the few feet, crowding Ren in and making quick work of her pants flies. Hux closed the space between them with a step and not even bothering to push Ren’s underwear and jeans down, out of the way, before she slipped her fingers into Ren’s pants.

It didn’t take much for Hux to search out Ren’s clit and she began moving her fingers in steady circles. Ren’s breath caught in her throat. She was already terribly aroused. Ren hoped Hux wouldn’t mock her too mercilessly for coming so quickly. Hux took advantage of her proximity and placed a kiss below Ren’s ear. Her lips moved down, planting kisses and nipping bites, till Ren was all but writhing on Hux’s fingers.

She was close. So close.

Then Hux bit into her neck, sucking hard and long. It was that bruising kiss which finally pushed Ren over the edge and she was coming, spasming around Hux’s fingers, her breath heavy at the crook of her neck.

Coming down, Ren continued to breath in Hux; the combination of her perfume, the body wash, and the laundry detergent she used, and now sweat. It was familiar and soothing. Hux smelled like respite at the end of a long journey. Ren didn’t understand how Hux could smell like _home_. It was absurd as her own apartment didn’t even smell like Ren yet.

It made no sense. Not only did they not live together, neither visited the other’s apartments. Nor did they use the same products. It was a mystery that Ren could only arrive at one solution for: she simply hadn’t come to terms with how far gone she was on Hux without even realizing it. Sure, Ren had known she was _fond_ of Hux and that probably had something to do with the fact they spent two thirds of their time bickering. But fondness did not make a person think someone smelled of home. Ren was surprised she didn’t see this coming the first time.

They’d never spoken about it. Ren had always wondered how Hux defined their relationship. Not lovers, surely she wouldn’t use that word. Not friends with benefits either. Again, that required them being friends, Ren was fairly certain Hux didn’t consider them that. What she was to Hux, Ren could only speculate.

She took another breath of Hux, before she pulled away.

The last few times they fucked before summer, Hux was usually the first to leave. The trend was definitely continuing as Hux was already fixing Ren’s pants. And then she pulled herself off of Ren, straightening her clothes and asking, “Was _that_ a good enough welcome back to the States for you?”

“Just what I had in mind, actually.”

“Good,” Hux smirked eyeing her one last time. “Then have a good rest of your night, Ren.”

Hux didn’t wait for Ren to return the sentiment before she left the room. Ren rolled her eyes. Auckland had been informative, but it was good to be back.

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

Ren descended back to the party proper to the sound of a pulsing techo beat and a man lamenting how he thought he was mistaken, thought he heard someone’s words. She had just stepped off the stairs and back into the din of the party proper when she was pulled into a headlock by someone not only taller but larger than her. Despite Ren’s height and not insubstantial muscle mass, there was no way she’d be able to get out of the woman’s grip without causing _herself_ harm. And she was in the grip of a woman, Ren noted as she craned her neck to recognize short platinum blonde hair.

“Phasma!” Ren grumbled. “A simple ‘Hey, I’m glad you’re back’ would have sufficed.”

“But where’s the fun in that?” Phasma grinned at her. “Come on, Tina and I are _dying_ to hear about your Kiwi adventures!”

Ren let herself be led over to where Phasma’s girlfriend and more of their cohort were gathered. Hux was nowhere in sight. “You seen the General?”

“The real question is: did you? Phasma leered, eyes zeroing in on what could only be a particularly bruising mark Hux had left just shy of Ren’s collar. She reached out to press at it. Ren ducked away, just feeling the brush of the other girl’s fingers along the tender spot on her neck.

“Hands off, Phaz!” Ren said as she tried not to wince.

“Still fresh,” Phasma noted. Her grin widened further, a feat which hadn’t seemed possible moments before. “I guess there’s no point in asking _that_.”

Phasma looked liked she was ready to press Ren, possibly literally into a corner for the details, when Ren saw her savior.

“Tina!” Ren shouted, delighted to see the veritable bottle of Sunny D disguised as a small Latina woman with a dark frizzy halo of hair crowning her head. The petite woman looked up and a grin broke across her face.

“Kylo!” Tina squealed. She all but ran and jumped Ren to give her a tight hug. At well under five and a half feet, she and Phasma made quite an interesting pair. Tina was a boisterous West coast transplant and a Berkley programer alum. When it came to grad school, she had narrowed it down to Stanford or Yale. Apparently, her family was pretty surprised when Yale was the university that offered her the more competitive package.

“Save me from your girlfriend’s personal questions,” Ren beseeches.

“Is Phaz giving you a hard time about a certain ginger?”

“Ugh,” Ren groaned, only half disgusted. It was hard to be truly mad at Tina. “Not you too.”

“No, none of that. You _just_ got back. I want to hear about all the sheep you saw.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art by the talented [Moony](http://themoonrulznny.tumblr.com/)


	2. Wilderness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I travelled far and wide through many different times._

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

The next week was filled with settling back into the rhythm of classes and restarting her life in Connecticut. Ren had set about renewing her gym membership and catching up with her fencing coach. She’d have liked to continue her training in New Zealand, but Ren hadn’t wanted to deal with having to bring her sabers through airport security and customs. 

Which had turned out to be a misstep on her part. Ren hadn’t been over there for more than a week before getting so restless without an outlet to safely take out her frustrations. Ren had gone for a run. She did her tai chi routine so many times in a row she’d lost count. She had even turned up at the company gym’s complimentary Zumba class. 

But it wasn’t enough. 

There was something about sparring which Ren had found years ago that really helped her channel and release her anger.

Ren had grudgingly gone out with her colleagues after Snoke went back to the States and she had sat alone in her rented apartment one too many nights in a row to not hear the echo of Hux calling her ‘pathetic’ across an entire continent and the world’s largest ocean. The drinks hadn’t been as awkward as she’d been expecting, at least after they had asked her what she did for fun. Ren had talked about her passion for fencing and how though it had only been a couple weeks, her frustration at not being able to practice was overwhelming. 

Apparently, according to one of her colleagues fencing was a pretty big sport down there and he even had a nephew who was a part of the New Zealand Amateur Fencing Association. He was sure that any of the local fencing clubs would let her rent the equipment and be able to find her a place in their matches. Ren couldn’t for the life of her think why she hadn’t thought of that, but she began googling Auckland’s fencing clubs when she got back to her apartment.

Even when she had still been Bee Organa, she was well known for her quick and often violent temper. She always been a too aggressive for people. 

On the playground she’d started fights with the other children, been sent to the principal’s office more times than she could count, and laughed off every disciplinary action in the book, before Han and Leia finally gave her the ultimatum: study under Luke at his dance school or they would send her to a military academy. Bee hadn’t wanted to join the military. She had no interest in such a regimented lifestyle. So she choose the lesser of two evils and went to study at her uncle’s boarding school in Connecticut. 

Luke had always commended her on her passion, but cautioned her against not being aware of her limits and those of the others in her company. Well, Bee Organa was competitive to a fault. 

It was a point of continuous contention. 

Sure she was fluid enough for Luke. Instructors at his school always said she’d had grace in her bones. It was probably true. Organa could have also been a dancer, but her adoptive parents had instilled in her a burning passion for politics which couldn’t compete with dance.

Ren had always held the firm belief that most of the time it was easier to just solve her problems with her fists. As a young girl, she’d been told it was unbecoming for a her to have so much rage. Everyone had opinions on how she should quell her hostility. Leia wanted her to see a therapist. Luke said she just needed to focus on her training. She’d done both. Neither had helped. 

Bee had been sixteen when she’d met Snoke. It was at a Yale alumni reception that her mother had dragged to and Bee would have wanted be anywhere else, but her mother had claimed it would be a good chance to network. Why Leia had thought Bee, who was anticipated to become one of the greatest dancers in New York when she’d make her debut in a few years, would need to network with the graduates of Yale University was lost on Bee.

He was the first adult who not only understood her rage but suggested more viable channels for expressing it. He didn’t tell her that girls shouldn’t feel like they wanted to tear throats or break bones. He had also been the first person who had asked her if she even wanted to be a dancer. She didn’t. Snoke had gotten this considering look in his eyes then and asked her if she was interested in physics like her grandfather. At the time, Ren had wondered how he’d known. 

Physics had always been her best subject in the sciences. Before Snoke had left the party that day, he’d given her his email and told her that if she ever wanted to go to one of the best universities in the country to get in touch with him. 

Four years later, Snoke had been the one who suggested to the freshman physics student who was still going by Bee at the time, that she try her hand at the fencing team or some sort of martial art.

He had been right again.

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

“Ren!” Hux’s accented voice shouted over the music of the club as she clapped the other girl on the back and sidled up next to her at the bar. “You just get here?”

“Yep,” Ren said and gestured toward the bartender. When she came over, Ren ordered, “Two shots of whiskey.”

Hux made a disgusted noise, before slapping a hand over Ren’s mouth and addressing the bartender, “Two shots of Patron. On my tab.” The bartender made a hands off gesture, before setting about pouring the tequila.

“Really?” Ren asked when the bartender had given them the limes. 

“Whiskey is for sipping, Ren,” Hux said imperious. “Or trying to get pissed in some maudlin bar on a Tuesday, _by yourself_. But _not_ a dance club.” Hux knocked back her shot and Ren followed suit. “Which by the way you should have taken as an indication to just leave and save yourself the waste of an evening.”

“Should I?”

“Everyone’s dancing,” Hux said simply and gesturing at the crowd as if that would explain everything. In a way it did, but it also made Ren wonder how much Hux had to drink. 

“So?” Ren prompted, playing clueless.

“So, there’s no point in you being here if you’re just going to wallflower and drink the bar dry.”

Ren huffed a laugh, “You think you can get rid of me so easily.”

“I won’t be the only one wanting you to leave if someone manages to convince you to go out on the dance floor. You’re a horrible dancer,” Hux observed. 

“You’ve never seen me dance,” Ren said, trying not to bristle. Hux had no basis for that claim. Ren eyed her. She _could_ prove her wrong. She just didn’t want to.

“True,” Hux conceded. “But there has to be a reason you hide it away like some shameful secret.”

“I attended one of the most respected dance academies in the states for over eight years,” Ren stated. “That should give you an indication of my skill.”

“It was run by _your uncle_ , Ren. He probably just didn’t want to deal with the embarrassment of writing one of his own kin off as a failure.”

“You have not met my uncle.”

“Well, there had to be a reason why you left.”

“Yeah, it’s simple. I hate dancing.”

“Hurm,” Hux deflated, suddenly and inexplicably disappointed. “Then it’s as I said: you should just leave.”

“I’m not leaving-” Ren started, when someone slid between them.

“Alright,” Phasma interrupted. “So the great battle between the fierce Kylo Ren and the ruthless General Hux was interrupted by a landslide. With massive casualties on both sides, they were too weak to continue the battle and resigned themselves to settle the grievance another day. Ren, it’s time to get your ass on the dance floor.”

“Good luck,” Hux quipped, more acrid than ever and flagging the bartender again.

“Phaz needed a drink,” Tina said, plastering herself on Phasma’s back. Or she tried to, at least. She ended up getting a face full of midback, her arms wrapped squarely around Phasma’s waist.

“Not everyone can be out in that throng of people for an extended period of time,” Phasma said defensive, as if Hux or Ren needed her excuse.

“I want to dance!” Tina pouted and looked for her next victim _-er partner_. It just proved Hux’s earlier point when Tina immediately gave Ren up for a lost cause before even trying and turned her attention on Hux. “Huuuuuuuuuxxxxx, dance with me? Pleeeeeeasse?”

“A beautiful woman is _begging_ me to dance with her, aren’t I lucky?” Hux said, head turning over to Phasma and Ren. 

Hux didn’t even spare either of them a chance to answer before she took Tina’s hand. Ren watched as Tina pulled Hux to her feet and out onto the crowded dance floor. She soon lost sight of Tina, the short girl disappearing in the teeming throng. Ren could still see Hux though. She was smiling down at Tina, loose with alcohol and truly having a good time. Ren watched entranced as the lights above blinked through the color spectrum; green, blue, purple, pink. All of them caught in Hux’s hair. When they flicked to orange, Hux’s hair glowed.

“You’re so obvious, Ren,” Phasma said, wicked grin splitting her face. Ren scowled turning back to the other woman who somehow already had her drink.

“What are you talking about?”

“Please,” Phasma said, turning so she was facing Ren completely and gave her a knowing look. “Does Hux know how far gone on her you are?”

Ren’s immediate reaction was to deny it. Vehemently. But then Phasma wouldn’t have brought it up, if she wasn’t sure Ren was in it. There would be no point in denial because Phaz was more stubborn than she was and wouldn’t stop until she’d dragged a confession out of her. And if _Phasma_ thought she was in _love_ with Hux...

“Why ask me?” Ren asked, sounding more defeated than snide. Phasma raised her eyebrow, unimpressed. 

“Have you told her?” Phasma asked again.

“No,” Ren said firmly, mortified at the thought of even attempting to broach the conversation. “We’re not even dating.”

Phasma let out a soft chuckle. “Don’t you think it’s time to fix that?”

Ren turned back to the dance floor, seeking out Hux’s ginger pixie cut amongst the crowd. She and Tina had migrated to the left most corner of the dance floor. Hux was bringing her hands, which had been stretched above her head, down. No doubt to wrap around Tina. Ren wondered if they were grinding. Phasma didn’t seemed perturbed in the slightest by the possibility. Ren flicked her gaze to the floor. Briefly, Ren thought it must be nice to not have to worry about your ... lover going home with someone else. She found herself wishing that’s how it was between her and Hux, before she was able to drag her mind out of that maudlin spiral. 

Ren scanned the room again, her eyes locking on an elegant woman surrounded by her friends at the other curved end of the long bar. She was beautiful, sure, but so were all the ladies surrounding her. No, Ren’s attention caught on this girl because of her long ginger hair. 

She must have been staring because besides her Phasma huffed a laugh, having followed Ren’s line of sight. “You’re pathetic.”

“Yeah, I know,” Ren replied, catching the long haired ginger’s eyes and smiling, before pushing herself off the bar. “Don’t wait up,” she tossed over her shoulder as she headed in the direction of this new lady.

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

“Already studying?” Ren asked, dropping her book bag in one of the empty chairs on the other side of Hux’s table. She had found Hux in her favorite off campus coffee shop, Case Study. 

It was situated almost equidistant from Hux’s flat and campus, which meant it was less populated with undergrads, most of whom still lived on campus and did not find the need to venture out as often. The place was by no means cozy. Part of that was to do with how Hux somehow always managed to snag a table that would be smacked with a gust of air from outside whenever the door opened. A welcome relief in the summer, but when winter came around it would be less so; as Ren knew intimately from two years of study sessions, first when Snoke had inexplicably forced them to pair on projects, and then later when it became more a habit to just study there together.

According to Hux, they had the freshest Columbian coffee in the city. Hux could sometimes be found there even when she wasn’t reading for her classes. In fact, last term rather than share a ‘closet’ in the sociology department with the other graduates teaching courses, she had told all of her students that they could meet her at Case Study for office hours or by appointment. Just one of the many reasons Ren had the impression Hux was not on the best of terms with the rest of her department. Not that she talked about it. 

“Ha,” Hux said humorlessly. “No, I’ve already finished that. I’m making sure the reading for next month’s Soc 325 course is what I’m remembering it is. As some of us have to actually _teach_ courses and not just babysit a room.”

“Oh, so you _want_ there to be a fire on campus?” Ren said, slipping into their usual bickering. She noted that Hux had cut some of the top of her hair off in the time since they last saw each other. She always had it gelled, neatly parted, and now it could just barely reach the back of her head. Ren wondered why she had grown it out? For fun or for the party? “Making sure freshman don’t fuck up is a full time job. It’s not like I can just faff around. They need to be heavily supervised.”

“Still, you get off easy.”

“Well, it’s not like I’m gonna need the practice or something.”

“Right, because that’s exactly what I intend to do with my degree,” Hux said, snide. 

“Don’t write it off just because it’s hard. From what I hear from the underclassmen, academia seems to be your natural calling,” Ren said, just barely managing to keep the shit eating grin off her face. Actually, the total of what Ren knew of Hux’s teaching ability amounted to the comments she had overheard them muttering one day as they had come out of a lecture Ren had been loitering outside, planning to catch lunch with Hux. They had lamented the pop quiz she’d held. Apparently, the lecture itself was very dry, in both humor and content, as well as lengthy. “We all know you love the sound of your own voice.”

Hux sneered at her, but didn’t deign to respond. Instead, she turned back to her book. Ren tried not to be disappointed as she cracked open the text Snoke had told her to pick up. Ren let herself get pulled into the reading for next week’s PHYS 564, diligently taking notes for her own studies and what she thought might be helpful for the course itself.

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

Hux clearly must have reached a stopping point, because she sat back and stretched her hands toward the ceiling. Ren watched as she started to roll her neck from side to side, loosening the knots as her arms continued to reach. 

When she opened her eyes and blinked heavily, Hux matched Ren’s stare. Her mouth turned into the slightest grimace.

“Your mother kidnapped me while you were off smashing atoms in New Zealand,” Hux stated apropos of nothing. 

“What?!” Ren demanded. She had been expecting Hux to snipe about how staring was rude, not _that_. Ren’s outrage stirred that her mother would dare to be so brazen with someone she probably thought was one of Ren’s friends. They weren’t friends though really. Hux was just someone who liked to try and purposefully provoke Ren. Like just then. Hux had a decent grasp of physics and had listened to Ren go on about dark matter enough to know that _wasn’t_ what she had been doing. Hux was only deliberately reductive to annoy Ren. As usual, it almost worked. Ren cursed herself for being so predictable.

“She wanted to know where you were,” Hux said decidedly unaffected. 

“So she came to you,” Ren grimaced. She didn’t want to know what Hux thought of _that_. “What happened?” 

“I suppose ‘briefly abducted’ would be more accurate, actually. Regardless, I was leaving work one day in July and was stopped outside the office by some stooge with a 9mm in his underarm holster. After confirming my name, I was unceremoniously bundled into the back of an unmarked car. Your mother was waiting inside.”

“You just got in an unmarked car with a huge dude who had a gun?” Ren asked. It was hard to believe Hux was that stupid.

Hux gave her a scorching look, “‘Unceremoniously bundled’ wasn’t a euphemism, Ren.”

“Of course, it wasn’t,” Ren muttered. “So what’d she say?”

“She was rather annoyed the school was unable to disclose whether you were off getting internship credit or if you were even registered for Fall term,” Hux said severely unimpressed. Ren wondered if she was so blasé at the time. She wasn’t so sure. Ren had been on the receiving end of her mother’s nasty moods many times and knew that they were never a walk in the park. 

“I did that for a reason,” Ren huffed. “What did you tell her?”

“The bare minimum.”

Ren pursed her lips.

“She had already assumed you’d be somewhere set up by Snoke,” Hux said, blithe. “And that’s why she came to me, since we’re in the cohort together- why she knew that-”

“Rey,” Ren supplied. Hux rolled her eyes. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t tell your cousin everything?” 

“The fact that I didn’t is why she came to you at all,” Ren said rubbing at her eyes. The worst part of this was that Ren knew Hux wasn’t lying. General Organa had used the considerable resources at her disposal to try and track down Ren when she’d dropped off the map in the past. But she had never gone after one of Ren’s ...acquaintances and gotten useful information out of them. Not that the info Hux had given Leia had been useful, as she was only just hearing about this now, but Ren had never had someone like Hux in her life before.

“Anyway, we drove around the block twice and I told her you were probably freezing your ass off in Queensland.”

Ren stared. Hux smirked.

“You lied to a general of the United States Army?” Ren asked, easily believing Hux’s audacity, but still impressed. Ren’s mother was not someone to be trifled with, especially not if Hux wanted her DoD project to get fully off the ground.

“I didn’t lie. You ended up seeing the Great Barrier Reef while you were down there, right?”

“Yes,” Ren breathed, staring at the bizarrely contradictory woman sitting in front of her.

Hux had no real reason to lie to Organa, Ren’s own mother, about where she had gone other than Ren’s word that they were not on good terms. Apparently, Hux liked Ren enough ( _or_ she disliked Organa enough) to lie for her. Either way, something about the gesture filled Ren’s stomach with little butterflies. 

“I can’t believe you lied to my mother,” Ren laughed, before breaking into actual hysterics. 

“All in a day’s work, is it not?” Hux replied, eyes dancing with mischief, before she’s snickering right along with Ren.

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

Ren would never forget the first time she saw Hux, who for an unsurprisingly long time was mentally dubbed the ‘Ginger Bitch.’ 

Copper hair bright in a room rapidly filling with blondes and brunettes, her head bent in conversation with Snoke at the beginning of class on the first day their cohort met. Ren had wanted to speak to Snoke herself before the first meeting of their cohort started. She had thought that once he looked up and saw her hovering near the front desk that he would hurry things along with the other girl. But after Snoke nodded at Ren he had turned back to the ginger and just let her keep talking till the minute hand hit the hour.

Ren had sat down, slightly annoyed, as Snoke proceeded to omit the typical introductions for their first meeting. True to his reputation of only doing things his own way, he demanded to know what the students thought of obligatory conscription. 

The cohort had debated over that for maybe twenty minutes, before most of the other students’ interest faded and it was just the ginger who had monopolized Snoke’s time before class and Ren arguing. To say it got heated would be an understatement. Ren had left the classroom sure the ginger hated her. For herself, Ren was disappointed the argument hadn’t come to actual blows. She had wanted to wipe that smug look off her face after she’d got the last word before Snoke called it a day.

The first time she’d seen Hux (another physics student had informed Ren the ginger’s name) pick up another girl, happened to be the Yale’s LGBTQ Affinity Group Happy Hour later that week. Ren had arrived a bit late, having been repeatedly pulled into running more tests than she planned in the lab. She had sidled up to the bar and ordered one of the themed cocktails for the night - the lesbian lick - and scanned the room for anyone interesting. 

Even in the dim light of the bar, Hux’s short ginger pixie cut coupled with her height made her stand out like a sore thumb. Ren remembered thinking that was an apt analogy; a sore thumb. Ren watched as Hux continued to talk to another girl with dark brown hair and expressive eyes. The woman laughed at something Hux had said. 

Ren frowned and looked around the bar again. She knew a good portion of the students here from undergrad events, but there were several new additions to the group, aside from the ginger bitch and her brunette prey. 

When Ren’s curiosity had gotten the better of her, she had turned back to find the brunette laughing again. She watched as Hux had reached her hand out between the two of them, let it linger on the other woman’s forearm, before Hux then leaned fully into the brunette’s space to whisper something in her ear. 

The brunette’s reaction is an immediate, anticipatory grin that lights up her features. She said something to Hux and the ginger pulled away, with an answering grin, hedging on victorious. Hux inclined her head toward the door and then she and the other girl were leaving arm in arm.

Something burned in Ren’s stomach as she watched Hux and the other girl step out the door. Ren wasn’t sure if it was because she wished she could pick up dates with such ease or if it was because the ginger’s arrogance had paid off. 

But over the next year, as she watched Hux drag and be dragged by other women from bars, Ren realized it was really because she wanted to be the focus of Hux’s predatory gaze. Ren wanted to be the one Hux was leading out into the night air with the promise of something more.

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

“I’m surprised you didn’t put up more of a fuss,” Ren’s mother said, when Ren sat down opposite from her in a booth in the corner of a opulent restaurant decorated in cream and gold. It was quiet, in the off hours between the lunch rush and dinner. Ren wouldn’t have been caught dead there otherwise. 

Leia’s bodyguards had picked Ren up twenty minutes before as she had left her fencing practice. The men in simple black suits hadn’t even looked bored as she had exited the building. It irked her to no end that she wasn’t not even back two weeks and _somehow_ her mother knew Ren’s schedule down to a T so even her staff weren’t kept waiting. 

“I wanted to ask what you thought you were doing,” Ren said, attempting to be brazenly calm. Probably failing, but General Organa had seen all manner of outbursts from her daughter and if she sensed another one in the wings, she didn’t show it.

“I’m not sure what you’re referring to...”

“You picked up Hux.”

“Oh, is that what it takes to get you to talk to me?”

“You harassed one my classmates. _Why?_ ”

“I was in the area.”

Ren scoffed, scornful. “Of course you were.” 

“I do work there,” Leia said, giving Ren a speculative look. 

“Just stay away from her. She doesn’t have time for your drama.”

Leia made a contrary face. “She seemed to have the time to answer some well meaning questions. Besides, someone needed to get something useful from her presence in Arlington. It’s not like I’ll let her fascist brainwashing program get off the ground any more than it already has.”

“Hux prides herself on having manners,” Ren admitted, leaving the ‘ _most of the time_ ’ off the end and despite that opening her up for a more personal rebuttal from Leia. “I don’t know why you think we’re good friends anyway, but-”

“Rey says you talk about her enough...”

“So you decided to go kidnap her, instead of- Oh I don’t know, _calling_ Snoke’s office?”  
“I did call Snoke,” Leia said gaze sharpening. “You know as well as I, Yale won’t tell me anything regarding your studies.”

“Yeah, I made sure of that,” Ren stated pointlessly. 

“Bee, you left the country without telling any of your family where you were going or for how long! What were you expecting? We were worried about you.”

“Who’s we?!?” Ren cried out disbelievingly. There was no way any of her family would actually have congratulated her on the selection for research in another country if it were arranged on Snoke’s recommendation. Ren knew she couldn’t have gotten it otherwise, so why even bother dealing with their lack of support for something she should have been celebrating. 

“Me, for one. Your father was asking after you, as well.”

Ren scoffed and mutters, “Likely story.”

“-And I don’t know why you didn’t _at least_ tell Rey...”

Ren’s lips twisted down before she could school her features into something that wouldn’t give her mother some inkling of the guilt she felt for that. Ren _had_ considered telling Rey that she was going to New Zealand. It was a prestigious appointment and Rey would have been excited for her. but when it came down to it Ren really didn’t want to have to worry about it getting back to her parents before she left. Her mother would have taken steps to prevent her, even if Ren was an actual adult and the lab in New Zealand had been a legitimate company. Leia had the ability to make Ren’s life hell, had shown no qualms wielding that power, claiming it was for Ren’s benefit, and then she had the gall to wonder why Ren blocked her out. 

But, of course, Leia saw that that twitch of guilt and pursued it mercilessly. This was not how Ren wanted to spend her afternoon.

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

The animosity between Hux and herself, at least for Ren, came from the indignity of being forced to share Snoke’s attention. Ren didn’t see a reason why the Physics chair, who notoriously would only advise one doctoral dissertation at a time, would suddenly agree to mentor two. One of which was a by sociologist _and_ a anal bitch. It was unprecedented.

She hadn’t respected Hux much those first few months. Snoke must have sensed it coming off of Ren and certainly Hux too. It had been his pet project for the next two years to pair them on assignments, watch them flail and clash.

He said it would make them stronger in the long run.

In the beginning, all it did was make them more petty. Snoke seemed happy to perpetuate it. One of his favorite cohort activities was a debate. Either he’d inspire a lively discussion which would inevitably result in one or having them take on a more formal debate structure with prepared arguments; which could be anything from state sponsored health care (something Hux vehemently supported, but only under specific circumstances; ones which Ren opposed) or how to best achieve an armistice in the Middle East. 

With the one-on-one debates, Snoke would have whoever was arguing stand on either side of the front of the class. But whenever she and Hux stood off against each other, they would always somehow end up moving within a foot of each other. Eyes never wavering , locked in a glare. Ren loved every second of it. 

Hux who liked to see herself as above it all, but who could so easily be pushed into giving Ren a solid row. 

Tricking Hux into embarrassing herself by sniping back and goaded into, what Hux frequently called, _childish behavior_ was a personal pleasure of Ren’s. One that she was uniquely skilled for it seemed. Ren never saw Hux argue like that with anyone but her. Ren had wondered what about her made her so lucky that Hux would continuously rise to take up Ren’s bait. 

_“You can’t seriously think that would work!”_

_“As if you know anything about this discipline, Ren.”_

Which would inevitably devolve into a shouting match. Snoke encouraged debates in his seminars, but what she and Hux had were spats; all out shouting matches complete with personal insults. Hardly the most professional. Not that Ren cared in the slightest. 

Sometimes, Snoke would let them go on and on, consuming his entire class period with their petty arguments. He said it was necessary for Ren to channel her aggression. Phasma had quipped once over lunch one day that he seemed to get some sort of pleasure from watching them at each other’s throats. But even if Snoke didn’t interrupt them, someone would burst their bubble with a crackled candy wrapper, a cough, or sometimes even the ding of a phone notification. Hux would always break away first, blushing a serious shade of crimson, when she realized how involved they’d got. Hux’s flush was a beautiful sight. Ren wanted to make it happen more often. 

And that was just during the cohort. Snoke also insisted they _share_ office hours. Hux was less likely to rise to Ren’s bait there, when she had real questions for her own research to address with Snoke. Ren, herself, didn’t like wasting those valuable hours with their advisor with mindless bickering either, however enjoyable it was. 

And anyway it wasn’t a competition. At least, not outwardly. How could a physics student compete with a sociologist? Except there was something in Snoke’s tone whenever he spoke about Hux’s projects during office hours that pushed Ren to think of it that way. He would slip in little comparisons every once in a while. Always framed in such a way that would just hint he had a higher opinion of Hux. That she was better in some capacity than Ren. More efficient. Capable. ‘ _Hux came up with such-and-such, which I thought was terribly insightful,’ or ‘Hux is writing her paper on such and such. Why haven’t you put your topic in yet?’_

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

All of this dancing around each other had come to a head sometime the previousFall, as Ren watched Hux flirting with some other girl for the billionth time at the LGBT Society’s monthly mixer. Her veins were singing with an emotion Ren had identified as jealousy. Ren wanted to be the one that Hux was putting all that effort into hooking. She wanted to put Hux’s quick mouth to better use. But most of all she wanted to fuck Hux so good that she didn’t have any clever retorts left on her tongue. 

Ren had just let the jealousy consume her, like she’d been training herself to _not_ do with her rage. She’d let it eat at her to the point where it broke her resolve and she stomped over to Hux and the other girl ready to start a fight. 

Ren had honestly expected to be brushed off and for Hux to leave with her latest conquest. Never had Ren been more gratified than when Hux immediately gave her all her attention. She snapped right back, rising to every taunt. It was unsettling; wanting Hux but also wanting to beat that condescending look off her face. Ren couldn’t find it in her to be ashamed of what she would do to keep Hux’s attention on her. To keep her so incensed she didn’t have the focus to go looking for anyone else. As it was Hux had barely noticed when the girl she’d been charming had drifted away, much to Ren’s delight. Having all of Hux’s attention on her, all her cutting precision, was addicting. 

At closing time, Hux grabbed her wrist and dragged her through the emptying bar, out the back door, and into the alley way. The night sky above them and a slight chill of the wind was sobering. But instead of bringing her back to her senses, Ren did what she had been thinking about all night. She leaned in and kissed Hux. 

All those months of bickering and she hadn’t been sure if Hux just really liked putting Ren in her place during an argument or if she wanted something more. Perhaps what was more surprising was that instead of pushing Ren away and punching her in the jaw, Hux pulled her closer, deepening the kiss, her tongue licking into Ren’s mouth, pushy in its demand for exploration. Ren let her, sliding her own tongue along Hux’s.

They were broken apart too soon, startled by a peel of laughter from the main street. 

“Do you want to-” Ren starts.

“Hush,” Hux said, taking Ren’s wrist again and pulling her away from the yellow light hanging over the back bar door. Once they were far enough in the shadows, Hux pushed Ren back against the brick wall. Her head only just barely missed smacking the stones as well as Hux’s on the rebound, but Hux was kissing her again. Ren had wanted this for so long that she didn’t even care it was happening in a refuse-strewn alleyway. 

Hux’s right hand braced Ren against the stones, half splayed across the juncture of her collarbone and neck. They kissed deeply, long and breath exhausting. Hux had her thigh shoved between Ren’s legs and Ren rolled her hips, finding the friction she sought. Then Hux’s other hand is snaking down to Ren’s skinny jeans. Hux popped the button and unzipped the fly, before coming back up to slip under the fabric of her underwear. 

Hux kissed Ren again as her fingers wasted no time in searching out Ren’s clit. Ren broke the kiss with a grasp. Hux smirked up the mere inches height difference between them and started moving her fingers in small circles. 

Hux mouthed along Ren’s jaw, then down her neck. Ren gripped at Hux, fingers digging around one of her hipbones and into the arm that was still bracing her against the bricks. Ren started canting her hips in time with Hux’s strokes. The desire for more, for Hux to stroke her harder and faster mounting as Ren felt her climax building. 

Hux had gotten her off with a ruthless efficiency that could only come from experience and a hunger that Ren hadn’t seen in any of her other partners before. But It wasn’t over yet. She grabbed Hux by the elbows and rolled them, so Hux now had her back to the wall. Still boneless from her orgasm, Ren all but fell to her knees to get Hux off. She unzipped Hux’s pants and pushed them down her thighs, when she was met with a shock of hair. It was neat and fiery orange just like every other part of Hux.

Hux had stopped her then, “What some protection?”

“You’re clean, right?” Ren asked looking up at the small package in Hux’s hand and then to her.

Hux had rolled her eyes, “ _Yes,_ Ren.”

“Then,” Ren said gripping Hux’s hips, “I want to taste you.”

Hux had a curious expression on her face as Ren leaned in. Hux tasted delicious, tinges of salty sweat and a bitter musk. She licked her again, avaricious. 

When she laid down a rhythm in earnest, Hux’s fingers curled into Ren’s hair and tried to push her closer. Ren complied, breathing in through her nose smelling only lingering traces of Hux’s soap and that same musk. 

Ren glanced up to see Hux’s head thrown back, the long lines of her neck in sharp contrast to the blackened bricks and heaving large huffs of air, her entire chest rising and falling jaggedly. Ren was watching Hux come undone. It was _Ren_ that was making her loose her tightly wound control. 

Hux was quiet when she came, shuddering, and her grip in Ren’s hair became actually painful. Ren continued to lick her through it, till Hux released her death grip on the hair. 

While Hux was coming down from her orgasm Ren had turned her attention to her inner thigh, mouthing along the tender flesh till she got to a place she liked. Hux was watching her again with heavy lidded eyes. Her hair, having been jostled from its carefully coifed style, was falling just short of her lashes. Ren held her gaze as she went in, teeth unsheathed and glinting in the scant alley light.

Hux let out a deep groan, accompanying a shudder, when Ren’s teeth bit. And if Ren didn’t know better she’d think that Hux just came again. Hux’s fingers threaded through her hair as Ren continued her languid nips and sucks. The bite turned into a sucking kiss, not unlike the ones Hux had given her. Ren pulled back to admire her work. It bloomed bright like a signature, but was rapidly darkening in color.

Ren’s knees ached. Even all her physical training wasn’t enough to prepare her for this long on hard ash vault and sucking off an even harder to please ginger.

Looking up, Hux was already reverting back her cool detached self. Ren couldn’t help but feel slightly betrayed. 

She wanted to see what Hux looked like truly taken apart. When she was so thoroughly debauched that it took her hours to recover from Ren’s mouth and fingers. She wanted to get all of Hux’s clothes off, spread her out on a bed and take one of her breasts into her mouth. She wanted Hux to come so hard and in such quick succession that she couldn’t hide her noises anymore. She wanted Hux to use her clever little mouth in Ren’s cunt. She wouldn’t care if her entire body ached like her knees do now, if she got that… Ren wanted Hux. And it was alarming, that she could just have had her and still insatiably want more.

What’s worse, Hux was looking down at her like she knew. Hux pulled up her pants and buttoned them without a word, before rooting around in her pocket for a cigarette.

“Do you normally smoke after you get off in alleyways?” Ren couldn’t help but ask. Hux’s eyes had flicked back down to her again. 

“Yes, actually.” Hux answered rotely, matter of fact. Like she did this all the time. 

Ren thought back to all those times she’d seen Hux pick up girls at parties and bars. It never occurred to her that Hux would have taken them down the same dark streets, instead of back to her flat. But then Hux was cold, efficient, and compartmentalized. She probably didn’t want to have to deal with forcing them out when they were done or having the conversation where Hux said she would not be staying over, _thank you for the offer but-._

Ren didn’t want to have that conversation either. She just wanted to fuck Hux on an actual bed. What they had just done was enjoyable, but she didn’t like the precedent they had set. 

Ren decided she wasn’t going to be one of the redhead’s one night stands.

She stood up and in a single motion swiped the cigarette from Hux’s lips. Ren took a long drag and looked at Hux through her lashes. The other girl was glaring, an actual outright nasty glare. Ren had to tamped down on a grin and wondered if this was her last cigarette.

Then Hux had shoved her hands into her jacket pockets and pushed herself off the brick wall. Her face was blank, eyes calculating again. Ren had thought they always were. Now she knew better. Hux had nodded and then turned moving silently down the alleyway towards civilization.

“See you in class on Monday,” Hux threw over her shoulder. Ren hadn’t known it was possible to make that statement sound derisive but Hux had managed.

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

“So you’re planning on asking Hux out, aren’t you?” Phasma asked preamble of nothing in the midst of a sparring session. 

“I’ve been thinking about it,” Ren admitted. It’d been a year and a half ago since she and Hux started fucking semi-regularly. Ren was more than a little proud of it, with Hux’s flighty preferences. “Why? Did she say something to you? To Tina?”

“Ah, _no_ ,” Phaz barked out, laughing. “No, no, I don’t think she knows you want more to be honest.”

“Then why-”

“Like I said, you’re obvious, Kylo. You know how many nights I’ve stood next to you watching you watch her. I need to know your intentions,” Phasma stated seriously.

“My _intentions_?” Ren parroted back. “I’m gonna see if she wants to grab pizza with me some time. Just us. No ulterior motives. Satisfied?”

Phasma made a considering noise and then launched a set of unrelenting blows, which drove Ren to retreat backwards down the priste, till she turned back on the offense. Phasma didn’t go far and they knocked swords for a few moments.

“Just don’t hurt her, okay?” 

Phasma’s words were more disarming than any of her attempts with her saber. It took Ren several moments to even realize she’d been divested of her weapon and lost their little practice match. Phasma quirked a grin and then proceeded to accept the high-fives of their spectating teammates. Ren nodded at them when they came for her, but she was still turning Phasma’s words over in her mind. How could _she_ hurt Hux?

Ren thought it was more likely that Hux already knew she harbored some feeling for her that wasn’t strictly contempt or lust. If anyone was going to get hurt from Ren asking Hux to go on a date, it was probably going to be her.

Ren picked up her sword and resumed a ready position opposite Phasma. 

“Any ideas about how you’re going to do it?” she asked, feinting to Ren’s right, but really arcing her sword towards Ren’s head. Ren blocked easily and thrusted her sabre towards Phasma’s exposed shoulder. 

“You know Hux, she’ll shut me down so fast if I try anything in the next couple of weeks with the dissertation props so near.”

“She doesn’t need to worry, and for that matter neither do you, with Snoke as your advisor.”

“I know right,” Ren laughed as she went on the offensive. Phasma deflected her blade with a couple of deft blocks and retreated down the priste a few yards, before Ren backed off again, considering: “Still, Hux won’t see it that way and I don’t need her thinking I’m more of an idiot than she does already.”

“Let me know when and where so I can be as far away as possible.”

“Why?” Ren asked.

“I don’t need to be implicated in a murder. After all, someone will need to eulogize your loss to the Bulldogs’ fencing team at the funeral.”

Ren scowled. That wasn’t the vote of confidence she wanted.


	3. She's Lost Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And she showed up all the errors and mistakes,_
> 
>  _And said I've lost control again._

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

Hux was shaking with barely contained rage as she climbed the final flight of stairs and pushed into the abandoned fourth floor toilets. She slammed the lock on the handicapped stall, dropped her bag, and nearly screamed. 

Her academic career was in tatters. She had failed her proposal. 

_She_ had failed her dissertation proposal. 

Hux had asked him. She had asked Snoke if he foresaw the board having any problems with her proposed tests; with what she was trying to prove; with _how_ she was trying to prove it. 

He’d said ‘no.’ 

Well, actually he’d said: “No, general, there’s nothing to worry about in regards to your project’s morality.” Hux’s mind repeated the statement back to her in a borderline patronizing tone. She hadn’t heard that when he first said it. 

So Hux had gone ahead, used her ‘controversial’ DoD project as her soc prop, thinking nothing more of it. But then about halfway through her presentation, there was a shift in mood across the table. She finished up to the panel looking equal parts concerned and cautiously disappointed.

The board then proceeded to grill her on the grounds of ethics and Snoke had just sat there. There had been a precedent to consider. Someone mentioned Milgram and the rest of the sociology professors shuddered, which only seemed to fuel their persecution of Hux’s proposal. They had even asked her if she had taken the _required_ Ethics in the Sciences course. 

He hadn’t said a thing in her defense for over forty minutes. Snoke had just let them tear her to shreds. The mirth in his eyes as they had attacked her work like avaricious dogs made it clear. Snoke had anticipated this. He knew how they would see her proposal and he still hadn’t said a thing. 

Why?

It made no logical sense. Hux wanted nothing more than to confront him face to face. Demand to know _what his aim had been?_ Was this some sick way of testing her? She could understand if she hadn’t asked him that exact question. Maybe. But Hux had. He clearly didn’t care how such an oversight would reflect on his own position as her advisor. But she supposed with his tenure and place as the physics department chair, he wouldn’t have to worry about it too hard. 

Ultimately, she knew that confronting him would solve nothing. Snoke had known what he was doing when he had told her there was nothing to worry about, he had watched. No, he had deliberately sabotaged Hux’s future at Yale. Worst still, she could see no reason for it, other than the sadistic gleam in his eyes. 

It had taken all eight years of her military academy instilled restraint to keep herself from vaulting the table between them and ripping his throat out with her bare hands. Hux had stood there, hands clasped behind her back, fingernails digging into her palms imagining taking the pocket knife she always carried and just dragging it along the juncture of his jaw and neck. Imagining him gurgling helplessly on his own blood. 

But in the quiet of the bathroom, Hux knew that such a death would be too merciful and too quick. Still that didn’t stop the blood from boiling in her veins again. Revisiting those fantasies made it clear to Hux that she was dwelling on her emotions for too long. She needed to find a logical way out of this. It was time to put aside her outrage. 

Hux picked a spot on the tile floor and stared at it, beginning to regulate her breathing. 

She was staring so intently at the floor that she nearly missed how there was a glowing square of light in her pants pocket. With great reluctance, Hux pulled out her phone, which she hadn’t yet switched off of silent after the meeting. It was a local number. One she didn’t recognize. Hux considered not picking up. She wasn’t sure she could focus enough to speak to someone ... about anything at the moment. 

But then it could be one of the professors on her prop board. It could be one of her students. It could pull her mind out of this and give her something else to focus on, if only for a few minutes. 

“Hux,” she answered, moderately pleased that her voice sounded even.

“This is Mary Stevens. I’m a nurse with the Yale New Haven Hospital,” the woman on the other end of the line said. 

Hux went still. She was suddenly certain that they are calling her to say her father’s had another heart attack. That they are performing the by-pass he’d been putting off when the nurse spoke again. 

“Kylo Ren listed you as her emergency contact.”

“Oh,” Hux let out. She was not sure why the tightening in her chest felt worse at that. 

“Kylo was in a car accident,” the nurse continued. “They’ve taken her straight into surgery.”

“Will she be alright?”

“I can’t say. Right now her status is critical. But we have some of our best people in with her now.”

“Alright,” Hux said in an exhale.

“I’m sure she’d be glad to see you when she gets out though.” Hux wasn’t sure she believed that, but then Ren had for some reason put her down as her emergency contact?

“I’ll be there as soon as I can. Yale New Haven, you said?”

“Yes,”

“Thank you.”

“Goodbye.”

Hux wasted no time, stowing away her cell and picking up her bag, before stalking out of the bathroom. She was just glad she had picked up the phone.

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

Hux strode confidently up to the front reception desk at Yale New Haven Hospital. It had taken her close to an hour to navigate the beginning of rush hour and get across town. The airy hospital lobby, with its muted pastels and taupe, was at complete odds with the nervous anxiety that was inexplicably wracking Hux's mind as she stood in line to get information on Ren’s condition. 

“Hello,” she greeted the receptionist when it was her turn. 

“How can I help you today?” The receptionist, whose name badge proclaimed ‘Tom,’ asked. 

“I’m here to check on Kylo Ren. She was in a car accident. I was told she was brought in over an hour ago.”

Tom nodded and then typed something into his computer at an alarmingly fast rate. 

“It doesn’t appear we’ve admitted anyone by that name,” Tom frowned, looking up at her. “Are you sure she was brought here?”

“Yes, I got a phone call from one of your people. I’m her emergency contact.”

“Kylo? Spelled K Y L O?” Tom asked, looked back at his screen. He sounded dubious.

“Yes,” Hux said, trying not to get annoyed. If this was an elaborate ploy by Ren just to see how she would react, Hux would be damned to give her a scene. 

“I’ve got nothing.”

Hux frowned in consternation. She had been sure that the nurse had said Yale New Haven. 

“Wait,” Hux said with sudden clarity. “She changed her name a few years ago. Can you see if you’ve admitted a Bee Organa?”

Tom typed the new name into his database. Hux watched him as his eyes scanned the search results. 

“Yes, she’s been admitted here today.”

Hux didn’t know if the breath she let out was because she was wrong about Kylo trolling her or if she was relieved that she wouldn’t have to call the other hospitals in the area. Why the nurse who notified Hux that Ren was admitted would call Ren by her real name when the rest of hospital operated on years old information was just a mark of bizarre inefficiency that made Hux glad she hadn’t gone into medicine. 

“Is she out of surgery?”

“Are you her sister?”

Hux had to laugh. “ _No_.”

“Well, I can’t give out patient’s records to the public.”

“I’m not the public. I’m her emergency contact,” Hux scowled. 

“It’s against the law. Only immediate family.”

“Surely just her status-”

“I’m sorry,” Tom said, not sounding at all contrite. “You can contact a blood relative and ask them to get a update for you.”

Hux glanced down as she tried to clear her mind and think of something fast. She found her view of the floor, the front of the reception counter, and her hands wasn’t exactly inspiring, until Hux’s eyes alighted on her Trinity class ring on her right hand. The insignia of her university was spun around so that it looked like a simple band. 

In that split second, everything clicked. Hux surreptitiously took it off of her right ring finger and put it on her left, thankful that her hands were evenly proportioned. 

“Miss, I’m going to have to ask you to clear the line-”

“No, you don’t understand,” Hux all but snarled at the desk attendant. She held up her left hand, displaying the golden band, and prepared to spin the only lie that she knew would allow her access to Ren. “She’s _my wife_.”

“Oh,” Tom said, seemingly jolted out of his nonchalance. Hux’s false revelation actually caused him to look not only invested for the first time in their conversation, but upset. “You should have said. It doesn’t say she married in her records. Or that she was wearing a ring.”

“Well, you guys didn’t catch her name change either, so I’m not surprised,” Hux grit out, hoping her fury was coming off as righteous. “Besides, Kylo,” _and that was forced, that had to have sounded forced,_ Hux thought, “doesn’t wear a ring. She’s not allowed to in the lab. Physics grad student.”

“It looks like Kylo is still in surgery, but a doctor will be out to notify you how it goes when they get out,” Tom said. He began pulling a few papers together and attaching them to a clip board. “In the meantime, if you wouldn’t mind filling these out. They’re just telling us a bit more about your wife’s medical history. Anything we might not have on file. Her insurance, you know...Just bring them up when you’re done.” 

Hux thanked him, taking the proffered papers.

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

Hux had spent the rest of her afternoon waiting for that doctor to come and tell her Ren was alright. It was only when she was staring at the blank forms in front of her, did Hux realize that no one had told her exactly where Ren had been injured. Neither did she have any idea why Ren had been driving. Ren didn’t have a car. 

After glancing at the paperwork and realizing she could fill approximately two lines out, Hux decided to refocus her attention on salvaging her dissertation. She needed to do damage control and get her appeal in order. 

But as Hux tried to focus, the only thing that went through her mind is her own voice on repeat.

_She’s my wife._

It seemed unreal. She still could not pin-point the exact reason why it was imperative that they let her see Ren. Ren, who was an annoying cunt on purpose, at the best of times; a temperamental child in a state of perpetual tantrum at the worst. Ren who, for some complete mystery, put Hux down as her emergency contact.

Not Snoke, who was the obvious choice. Ren depended on him and it seemed apparent that Snoke would go out of his way to protect his investment in her. (Something before today Hux would have thought he would have done for her as well.) Not Phasma who was in their cohort, on Ren’s fencing team, and took Jiu-Jitsu with her. Phaz would be able to get in touch with more people who would need to know what happened to Ren than Hux. Not her cousin, who out of all her family Ren still spoke to. And definitely not her parents, who even despite their disagreements _should_ know if something happened to her.

But no, she listed Hux.

Hux could not for the life of her parse what it meant. Knowing Ren, it probably didn’t mean anything.

Hux sighed. 

The only thing that broke her out of the mire that was trying to analyze Ren’s motives was when a doctor in teal scrubs asked her if she was Bee Organa’s wife. He introduced himself as the surgeon who had stitched up Ren’s side. The doctor told her that Bee was stable now and then Hux got the details of the extent of Ren’s injuries. 

It was worse than Hux was hoping, but not as bad as it could have been. Kylo Ren was expected to make a full recovery. Hux didn’t care how eager she sounded when the doctor asked if she wanted to see Ren. 

Hux needed to see her. With her own eyes.

He told Hux that she probably wouldn’t wake up for another couple hours, but she could wait in her room. Hux had done so much staring in the lobby that any change in scenery was welcome. And despite waiting for hours for news on Ren’s critical condition, Hux wasn’t prepared for the actual sight of Ren fresh off a car accident. She certainly didn’t have to fake her shocked gasp. Hux couldn’t even be glad that Ren didn’t hear it when she saw her lying on her back in the sterile hospital bed. 

The doctor excused himself, saying something about coming back to check on Ren’s status again later but Hux wasn’t really listening. She pulled a chair over from the wall and set it next to the bed. Ren was washed out, her olive skin paler than her usual lab inspired pallor, but sleeping. Her breath even. Hux had studied with Ren enough in the past two years to know what she looked like sleeping, but now her visage was marred by a strip of gauze and angry red ooze showing through it. 

Ren could have died. 

It was a disquieting thought even though Hux had often considered killing Ren herself, had even made a detailed plan on more than one occasion, but faced with the very real possibility of someone else, some random person, killing Ren. By smashing into her with a car. It disturbed her more than she would have anticipated. Hux didn’t understand _why_.

The board would allow her _a week_ grace period, Hux forcibly reminded herself. They would hear other student’s proposals and then she’d get a second chance. Hux had to be prepared by then.

A week wasn’t a lot of time to change her entire project, but then most students only had to make a few adjustments if their proposal was rejected. Given the fiasco that had just transpired, Hux wanted to submit a completely original project. 

It didn’t matter if the prop board rejected the trooper conditioning program, as she had taken to calling it, because the military was already moving forward with it. It had all started when Hux had read a sketched framework for the how to make the perfect soldier from one of her mother’s journals. Hux had blown that ember into a roaring fire. Nearly everyone in the Department of Defense was on board, save for Organa and her merry band of nay-sayers, and the idea was gaining traction in the senate to pass for funding. Hux would see her mother’s brainchild through without the university’s consent. After all, she had many other hypotheses she wouldn’t mind testing. This had simply been the one which had most captured her attention. Hux had wanted to kill two birds with one stone, but that made her realize something else about Snoke’s guidance that was lacking. 

Something else Snoke had failed to advise her on, which in retrospect Hux noted should have also been a warning sign. She’d been so wrapped up in it all, she cursed herself for not even considering this tippingpoint. If she had went with her DoD project for her dissertation as well, to include any of her findings, all the prop board members would have to be granted security clearance. 

Something she doubted would be worth the effort, if possible at all. Idly, Hux wondered if Snoke sabotaged her dissertation, because he was annoyed Hux had gone out and arranged the DoD program without his purview. He seemed like _that_ type of petty.

Well, they always said success was the best revenge. Hux planned to make good on it.

The day before, she had gotten a text from Tina saying that her proposal had been approved, which was a relief. If Tina’s further research hadn’t been approved she’d always threatened to just sell her services to the highest bidder and then do her own research when she had enough funds. Hux admired her pragmatism, but it would have left her hunting for a new programmer for her DoD project as Tina would be forced to sign a creative non-competition agreement. Hux was grateful she wouldn’t have to waste the time. 

Hux would have to put the trooper program aside for the moment and focus on whipping together a new dissertation prop. There were several addendum to already working theories she could explore, and actually just in last week’s reading for _Punishment and Inequality_ she found- 

“Hux?” Ren rasped, pulling her out of her thoughts. She coughed and Hux turned to the pitcher of water and plastic glasses on the side table. 

“Drink this,” she held the water near Ren’s lips. She took a sip and then reached for the glass herself, downing most of the water before she was able to speak again. 

“You’re here.”

“You put me as your ‘in case of emergency’ contact in your phone. Of course they called me.”

“I figured they’d call you, but I thought they only let family in the rooms.”

“...I uh, told them we were ....married,” Hux said, _awkward_ and suddenly fascinated by an errant piece of lint that seemed permanently affixed to Ren’s bed sheet. 

“You told them _what?_ ” Ren asked, shaking. She was _trying_ to laugh, but it seemed to hurt.

“They wouldn’t have let me in otherwise,” Hux glowered.

“Might as well have,” Ren scoffed. “Everybody thinks that already.”

“Excuse me?”

“According to Tina, at least. She said it was a running joke in the cohort; how we act like an old married couple,” Ren admitted. 

Hux was speechless. She had never heard that. She wondered when Tina divulged this information to Ren and why it wasn’t apparently pertinent to share with Hux herself. If Tina knew then Phasma knew and she still hadn't said anything. Hux felt betrayed. Hux was about to turn her ire on Ren when she lifts her hand to her cheek.

“My face feels tingly.”

“You're on pain medication.”

“Thank God for that.”

“It might be wearing off. You have a laceration right here-” Hux said, gesturing diagonally along her own face. “And you had a fragment of metal lodged in your side as well. They had you in surgery for two hours. ”

Ren made a grab at Hux’s hand. She ended up with her wrist. “Don’t be mad at me, general.”

“I'm not,” Hux stated, her brow pursed. 

“You look angry.”

“...Not at you,” Hux admitted, sighing heavily and letting some of her frustration out. “The board found several...flaws in my prop presentation, before the hospital called.”

“Hux-” Ren started, her grip tightening.

“It will be fine. I have a week before I need to appeal. Should give me ample time to regroup.”

“Yes, you got this. I missed mine?”

“Yeah,” Hux nodded. “But don’t worry. I’m sure Snoke will arrange for you to make it up. these _are_ extenuating circumstances.” 

“He’ll help you with your appeal too

Hux grimaced but didn’t say anything. 

Ren opened her mouth, probably to question Hux further, but then the door opened.

“-Kylo should be waking up here any time, General Organa. Ah, see there she is!” the doctor said. “How are you feeling, Kylo?”

“A bit groggy.”

“I think her initial pain medication might be wearing off,” Hux added. “She mentioned being ‘tingly.’”

“Why’d they let you in here?” the man with white hair that Hux knew to be Han Solo asked accusingly. 

“She’s been here practically since Kylo was admitted, worried sick,” the doctor answered, blithely for Hux as he went about checking Ren’s vitals. “I’m told she caused quite a scene till we let her in to see her wife.”

“Her _wife_?” Organa repeated, woodenly.

“When did you marry that fascist?” Solo demanded, turning to Ren.

Hux blinked at Solo.

“Dad, shut up,” Ren groaned.

Hux had always considered him to be somewhat of an absent wet blanket, from what she’d heard from Ren and the papers. They’d never been introduced and that wasn’t something Hux was interested in rectifying. She had disliked him on principle before, but when faced with meeting the man Hux found herself even less impressed, given how uncouth he was being to a perfect stranger.

She stood up, unwilling to be roped into the nightmare circus that was Ren’s family drama.

“Hux, don’t go-” Ren protested, her grip on Hux’s wrist tightening. 

“I should let you ... catch up.” Hux said absently. Ren’s parents magically showing up, released Hux of any contrived feelings of _obligation_ that might have set in. Hux honestly hadn’t given much thought to try to contact Ren’s parents or Snoke, who was no doubt wondering what happened to his prized pupil. Ren’s prop had been scheduled at four o’clock earlier that day. He was likely in a tizzy. Something vicious in Hux curled in delight at the fact that if he found out she’d been injured, no amount of wheedling would be able to get him concrete facts out of the staff here.

“Hux,” Ren said again, plaintively. Hux looked down at her, Ren’s big eyes large and pleading. She licked her lips. As if Ren would want Hux here for the sake of her being here. No, Ren was trying to use Hux as a barrier between her and her parents. Pathetic.

“You need to rest, Ren, and I need to sort this.”

Still, Hux bent over Ren to press a kiss to her lips. She was unwilling to examine her motives for doing so beyond the duty to continue this marriage charade in front of the doctor. 

It was meant to be a quick peck, something people who’d been together forever did as they left before work. But this was Ren. Any time Hux gave her an inch, she took a mile. Their lips hadn’t been touching for but a millisecond when Hux jerked in shock when Ren’s hand, the one which wasn’t gripping her wrist, came up to brace against the base of Hux’s skull. It was at that moment Ren took advantage of the kiss, swiping her tongue into Hux’s mouth and guiding her closer.

Ren tasted like plastic and disinfectant, bitter and sharp. It was disgusting and Hux had no reason for why she responded to Ren’s invasive tongue by twisting her own around in kind, as the other girl’s fingers curled into the short hair at the nape of her neck. 

There was an annoyed throat clearing that came from somewhere behind Hux. This wasn’t supposed to have gone on so long, nor act as something to throw in the face of Ren’s parents. Hux pulled away, eyes hard as she stared into Ren’s.

Regardless of what that kiss had been meant to be or what Ren had gone through, Hux refuse to stand for such a flagrant _display_. She leaned forward again, this time placing a kiss on Ren’s forehead, much harder than strictly necessary, against the gauze covering the cut across her face in retaliation. 

She was gratified when Ren flinched at the pressure. Hux pulled her arm out of Ren’s grip. 

“Relax and recover,” Hux said, saccharine into the white bandage, before stepping back, “You’ll be fine.”

Ren was borderline glaring at Hux as she stepped out of the private room and into the quiet hallway.

“How could you elope with that warmonger?” Hux could hear Organa demand as she walked away.

“You got married and didn’t tell us?!” Solo shouted at the same time. 

“General Organa, Mr. Solo, Kylo’s wife was right. She needs to rest. If all you’re going to do is yell at your daughter, who almost died, then I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“I understand, doctor, and I will comply just once Bee explains herself!” 

Hux was glad to get away from Organa’s shrill complaints, not envying Ren at all.

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

“This is Hux,” she said picking up her phone, without looking up from her notes for her prop presentation. Her appeal was the next day. The week had passed in an endless blur of word documents, jstor searches, and emails to the few soc professors she held a modicum of respect for. As much as Hux was loath to share her failure with more people than necessary, the odds were good that they had already heard about it through the college gossip mill and Hux needed some advice, now that she knew she couldn’t trust Snoke.

“Hey.” The voice on the other end of the line was hushed and unexpected.

“Ren?” She had been so busy revising her prop, that Hux had all but forgotten about Ren’s near death experience. Snoke had called her, shortly after she’d left the hospital that day. Hux had frozen in indecision. She still wanted to hear what he had to say for himself, but knew he probably would just turn it around back on her. She had let the call ring out for her own sanctity of mind, but didn’t hesitate when the notification chimed a minute later. The voicemail he’d left was venomous and spitting, demanding to know where Kylo was, as if Hux had spirited her away in some retaliation for his betrayal. _If only._ She had ignored him and started cobbling together a new project. 

“Duh, don’t you check your caller ID?”

“I’m working.”

“You didn’t come back to visit me. I was stuck there for three days. It was boooooooooooring,” Ren drew out the last word so long it made Hux wonder if she was still high on painkillers.

“I told you,” Hux said, mildly irritated. “I had to get ready for my appeal.”

“I could have died,” Ren said sounding put out.

“But you didn’t,” Hux said. She wondered if it meant anything to Ren that Hux came to the hospital at all. If she could even begin to comprehend the stress Hux had been under at that moment.

“Snoke had one of the other physics students bring my stuff over,” Ren said conversationally. Hux knew the comment was a ploy, meant to prompt her into giving something away. No doubt Ren had figured out something had happened between the two of them. In another time it would have been Snoke’s MO to make Hux deliver Ren’s crap to her, like some glorified errand girl to someone he thought she hated. Hux was glad, at least, Snoke knew he had burned the bridge between them beyond repair.

But not acting as Snoke’s personal messenger had definitely tipped Ren that something was off, if she wasn’t already suspicious from Hux’s ill guarded conversation in that hospital room.

“You’re at your parents,” Hux guessed, ignoring the prompt.

“They insisted. It’s been a nightmare.”

Hux hummed, “And how are you healing?”

“Fine enough, I’d be better if I didn’t have my mother breathing down my neck. She’s still pissed I didn’t tell them to call her. Apparently, a lady she had gone to school with had called to tell her to say she wanted me to ‘get well soon.’ And it came out I was admitted from there. So much for confidentiality...”

Hux snorted at the hypocrisy. 

“I’m surprised they were able to get up from DC so quickly...”

“That’s the thing,” Ren huffed. “They weren’t in DC. They were visiting Skywalker’s school. It’s the seventh year anniversary of it still being open. After the fire.”

 _The fire_ , right. The one Bee Organa had set before dramatically leaving the ballet scene forever to go study physics at Yale. Hux didn’t ask if she was planning to see her parents while they were in the state. “How unfortunate.”

“Yeah,” Ren said, still pissed. “Y’know I’m not even sure my mom was going to _support_ him. Rey said that they still haven’t really spoken. But the party would have been good publicity, All those successful alumni and richos who are able to send their talentless offspring to study at one of the best dance schools in the country, just because they can. I bet she was only thinking of the donations she could raise.”

Hux hummed, as Ren ended her rant, frowning at her pages doc. There was a typo in the fourth paragraph of the methods section that she hadn’t caught the first two times she read through it. 

Ren sighed over the line. “So, you gonna tell me how the revision is going or will I just have to wait to see if you show up in First Order when the break’s over?”

“No, it should be fine this time,” Hux said, leaning back in her chair, rubbing at her tired eyes. “I meet with them again tomorrow, but I’m not worried.”

“See, I told you.”

“Yeah...” Hux agreed aimlessly, letting the conversation lapse into silence to the point where they are just breathing at each other. Hux needed to end the call. She still had two more sections to proof and then she should really get some sleep, something she’d been neglecting the past week. But she didn’t hang up, instead when literal minutes have passed by and Ren still hadn’t said anything new, Hux asked: “Ren?”

“Yeah?”

“Why did you put me down as your emergency contact?”

Ren was quiet for a long time, but Hux refused to fill the silence or change the subject. She had been there for Ren even when there were a number of other more suitable choices. Hux thought she deserved to know why.

“I just-” Ren started. “If something happened to me, I just didn’t want you thinking I stood you up, if I didn’t actually, y’know, stand you up.”

“Oh,” Hux said, lamely. She suddenly needed to warn Ren, before she could think better of it. “I need you to do something for me.”

“Like a favor?” Ren returned, coy.

“Well, you call it that if you want. You _do_ owe me for being there when your sorry ass woke up last week,” Hux said matter of factly. 

“Likely story. Dr. Hicks said you were ‘worried sick’ over me,” Ren said, sounding more herself than Hux had heard her this entire conversation. 

“Hearsay,” Hux dismissed cooly. 

“Well, what is it? What could you possibly trust me to do and not ‘fuck up?’ Don’t keep me in suspense.”

Hux sighed. “I need you to be wary of Snoke.”

“...Excuse me?” Ren said, shocked and clearly not expecting that. Hux was still surprised at herself for bringing it up at all. It was probably to do with had just seen Ren drawn out all pale, side freshly stitched up, having been so close to death. Ren’s wounds had been the physical counterpart to the torment Hux found herself in mentally. Hux didn’t want to see Ren like that, even if she only barely tolerated her most of the time.

“Just don’t let him do that to you.”

“Let him do _what_?”

“I don’t know,” Hux said. This conversation was a terrible idea. Ren wouldn’t understand and Hux didn’t want to explain how her proposal had failed with tomorrow looming so closely. Ren wouldn’t _believe_ her anyway. “Just take care of you.”

“Where is this coming from? What happened? Did he-”

“I just need you to protect yourself.”

“You don’t seriously think he’ll...what? Hit me?”

“No,” Hux said quickly, before amending herself, “I don’t know, probably not. Just exercise caution.”

“Hux, you can’t be serious-”

“Just. Careful, Ren.”

Then Hux disconnected the call.


	4. I Remember Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _We were strangers for way too long._

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

Ren was upset to have been kept out of the lab so long. Contrary to Hux’s frequent insinuations, Ren did make plans. She had anticipated passing her proposal and had been looking forward to getting a head start on her approved research over the holidays. But that plan was shot to shit along with her slowly knitting side. 

Despite her proposal having been approved, she was still confined to bed rest per doctor’s orders. So for lack of a better alternative, her parents had taken her with them back to their apartment in New York. 

A tall brownstone in Brooklyn, her childhood home. The place held too many uncomfortable memories for Ren; screaming matches by her parents and her mother’s disapproval as she came into the kitchen looking for frozen peas to soothe her black eye from yet another school yard fight. Ren could only think of one place that she would have liked to be less; and that was Skywalker’s school, which was closer to New Haven, but Ren thanked her stars for being expressly uninvited. Even when Ren had been able to start walking around the brownstone herself, they had refused to drive her back to Connecticut until the term started again. It wasn’t even like she could beseech Rey to save her, what with Ren having been the one to total Rey’s car.

Rey had said she was just glad that Ren was alive and told her not to worry about the old car, affectionately dubbed the Falcon. It had, after all, formerly belonged to Han Solo and was older than her and Rey combined. But Ren could hear the melancholy in her adopted cousin’s voice over the loss of it. Ren knew she would have to try and make it up to Rey somehow, though in terms of sentimental value, she knew she would never be able to.

So, instead of making some progress on her research, her holiday had consisted of three miserable weeks of reading pdfs on her computer, absolute boredom, and the scrutiny of her parents in New York. The only saving grace, aside from not having to cook for herself, was that Rey came and spent a few days with her, before taking the Greyhound to Arlington to visit her best friend’s - boyfriend? Rey refused to define what was going on between her and Finn - family for the remainder of the break. Ren knew him, albeit distantly from her time at Skywalker’s school. He seemed like an okay dude, but then he was still studying under Skywalker, so Ren wasn’t too sure she entirely approved. 

The start of Spring term couldn’t come soon enough. Snoke had been emailing her near daily; new findings in quantum theory, academic articles, as well as suggestions for avenues in her own research. He had assured her that he was glad she would be making a full recovery and that the lab would be there waiting for her when she got back, but there was something in his tone that still made her feel like she was slacking, even if she had read everything he’d sent her and had an entirely viable excuse for being bedridden. 

It wasn’t like she had crashed the Falcon on purpose. This whole fiasco was affecting more than just her studies. Even if she was gaining more range of movement every day, Ren knew she was going to have to cancel her place in the upcoming Ivy League Round Robins fencing competition in early February and all of the smaller matches against the other schools teams in the month between. At least.

Being in New York also meant that she didn’t get to harass Hux on the daily. Although, the day after she had called Hux, she received a scholastic article from a behaviorist at Cambridge on anger management in the face of close social ties and with a brief note: _Figured you’d find this useful in light of certain events. I will indeed be seeing you next year. Get better - Hux._ The article had been more theoretical than practical, but it had still given her a laugh. 

After that errant email, Ren hadn’t heard hide nor hair from Hux for the rest of the break. That wasn’t surprising. Hux was nothing if not a driven, workaholic perfectionist. Not passing her proposal the first time had likely been a pretty heavy blow. Ren couldn’t blame her for focusing all her attention on the task at hand. After all, Ren was out of immediate danger. Hux had sat with her till she had woken after surgery. And it wasn’t like they were dating or anything. 

Still, when Hux didn’t come to the first of their cohort sessions when term resumed, it was strange. She wasn’t the type to skip out on classes, even if she was the one paying for them. Yet it happened again during their joint office hours with Snoke the next day. 

Ren wasn’t worried. She was merely curious. Hux hadn’t mentioned vacationing out of town. Ren couldn’t think of a time in the past two and a half years they’d known each other that Hux had actually gotten sick. Hux could have easily been called to DC for a meeting that could not be rescheduled. She wondered if that was it, because neither Phasma nor Tina had seem to note Hux’s absence. Snoke certainly hadn’t said anything.

Regardless, if Hux was missing multiple days of classes, she would have catch-up work to plow through and Ren knew from experience that the first place Hux went to for that was Case Study. As she had a couple hours before their cohort met and figured she could check the coffee shop and get some studying done at the same time. 

Ren practically breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Hux’s form huddled in the back corner of the coffee shop, strangely out of view of the door and its gusts of chilly air.

Ren tugged her thick cable knit jumper straight. It was a charcoal rather than black, but she allowed the concession to her essentially all black wardrobe, because it had once belonged to her grandfather. She glanced down at her untied combat boots. She still got a dull ache in her side if she bent over. Tying her shoes hadn’t seemed worth it at the time.

Ren momentarily deliberated until her coffee was ready, then cursed herself for caring what Hux thought of her appearance. It wasn’tlike she wouldn’t be overly critical even if Ren had been more put together. She made her way over to Hux’s table and set down her macchiato. Hux didn’t move. Ren frowned then pulled out a chair and sat down.

“Hey,” Ren said, quiet. Hux looked up, appraising.

“Hey,” she replied, as she returned to her text as if Ren hadn’t just sat down. 

Ren watched her for several more seconds, before it became obvious that Hux wasn’t going to give her any more. Hux didn’t look sick. Ren didn’t know what to make of it, so she pulled out her reading and settled in. 

She got five pages through the journal article Snoke wanted them to read, before Hux clicked her pen and closed her books. Ren watched as she slipped them in her messenger bag, before snapping out of her daze and checking the time. The cohort didn’t meet for another whole hour. There was no way Hux was going to show up forty minutes early. _Unless she had some other errand to run before class._

“Are you alright?” Ren blurted before Hux can disappear again. 

She turned back, brow creasing minutely, “Of course, Ren.”

Their gazes locked for several seconds too long and Ren willed Hux to return the question. To ask her how she was healing. How she managed to stay with her parents for over a week without committing murder. About the cohort, since she was evidently not dying of pneumonia or whatever and thus had no excuse for skipping an entire week of classes and essentially dropping off the face of the earth. But Hux didn’t ask. In fact, she turned as if to leave again. 

“It’s just-” Ren said quickly to halt Hux’s egress. “I thought you were sick.”

Hux quirked an eyebrow and leveled Ren with a look that spoke volumes as to how stupid a statement that was. “I’m fine. Enjoy your macchiato.”

Then Hux did leave. 

Ren ought to have felt on a slightly more even keel; she’d seen that Hux was still alive, still around New Haven, and they had talked. But that wasn’t what Ren had expected and certainly not how she wanted it to go. 

Ren stared down at the ancient white hexagonal tiles and the black grout flooring, unsure.

The thing was Hux had bruised circles under her eyes. She hadn’t asked Ren how she was, hells she hadn’t even sniped at Ren for sitting down uninvited. Ren couldn’t decide if Hux was busy or if something was wrong. It was probably the former, because what could possibly be wrong?

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

It was over three weeks into Spring term and Hux still hadn’t graced the cohort with her presence. More concerning to Ren was that she still hadn’t taken any of Snoke’s office hours with her. For any graduate student expecting to pass their final dissertation defense, office hours with their thesis professor were all but mandatory, unless the advisor excused them. Such cases were rare and extenuating. While Snoke’s meetings with the two of them were more frequent than other student advisor arrangements, he expected so much more from them. 

There was no way Hux could be missing this much. Not only would Snoke never allow it, but the college administration would have a problem. 

“Hux is busy with her DoD thing, right?” the question spilled out of Ren before she could have thought better of it, when Snoke was hunting for a text he’d promised to lend her. Snoke looked over at her surprised, then considering. “That’s why she’s not in class?”

“Oh, Kylo, our general has lost her way.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ms. Hux transferred out of my cohort over the break.”

“What? How?” Ren managed, dumbly. She didn’t even think that should be possible. They had just submitted their thesis proposals. Snoke was her advisor. Changing cohorts was a rarity, something that was generally solved the first year of graduate work. Snoke had worked with Hux for two and a half years. But there was no way she he would have let her transfer out of his cohort and still have acted as her advisor. Snoke had made an exception to advise Hux as well as Ren. Hux had just left?

“I’d say ask her, but it doesn’t seem you two are speaking,” Snoke said. His back was to Ren now but it still took a lot for her to ignore what could only be mirth in his voice. 

“But, sir-”

“I won’t be speaking of this subject any further,” Snoke interrupted, finality as heavy as the tome he’d slammed on his desk between them. He sat back down, spindly fingers smoothing his papers as he schooled his face into something more pleasant. “Now, what do you think of partnering with Tina for the next assignment?”

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

Ren didn’t see Hux at any parties or at any of their usual bars. It was how she’d begun to think of them: their bars.

Ren _could_ have taken that as a sign that Hux resented Ren putting her down as her emergency contact and then calling her the night before her appeal. But that was entirely too narcissistic. During her first year, Ren had heard how hard it was to transfer cohorts. Mostly from acquaintances who’d dropped Snoke’s guidance and still for some reason felt the need to explain it away to Ren at a subsequent run in. At the time, Ren had thought they were weak and lacked the drive to follow through and deliver. Traitors, frankly. 

But that word didn’t apply to Hux. 

Snoke had said Hux had lost her way. That couldn’t have been the case since Hux was the only one of them who always knew where she was going. 

Ren kept opening up a text message to her, but nothing she typed seemed worthy to send.

It was more likely than anything else that Hux had disregarded everything less important than getting her dissertation back on track. Like during finals, Hux probably had deprioritized friends, sleep, groceries, and bar pick-ups. Since Ren fell somewhere in between those things, she was left in some weird void-like space; particularly since she wasn’t someone Hux could study with, unless they were forced to work on the same project. 

But Snoke no longer had the ability to pair the two of them. 

It was around the twentieth time she’dopened up at a new text message to Hux, typed out some inane thing, and backspaced it so fast she couldn’t precisely remember why it had been so stupid, that Ren decided this was ridiculous. She opened the text messenger again and typed a simple and succinct:

_it’s one thing to drop the cohort without word but where have you been?_

Ren didn’t like the probability that Hux didn’t even give much thought to avoiding her out of spite, but out of some prioritization, which Ren evidently didn’t rank high enough in to be considered worthy of Hux’s time or even a simple message of explanation.

Hux didn’t reply, so Ren texted her again.

The Sociology Department wasn’t particularly helpful either. They weren’t allowed to just give out Hux’s teaching schedule and it wasn’t like she had never taken her office hours in the Soc department in the first place. Even after transferring cohorts and disappearance from being a Case Study regular, Ren was told she only visited their offices erratically. All Hux’s usual study haunts were filled with freshman overeager to excel from the start of the term.

Ren went out. Hux wasn’t there and at this point she didn’t really expect to see her. She still hoped. 

It was five weeks into the semester and Ren had only seen Hux that once at the coffee shop, despite having taken to buying all of her morning coffee there, and a handful of glimpses between classes in amongst the rushes of underclassmen filling the halls. At least she thought that it probably was Hux. Ren had even left a couple of her classes earlier just to loiter in the halls to see if she could catch her again, but all attempts were to no avail.

When Ren had her internship, she and Hux hadn’t seen or even spoken to each other outside of a few sparse emails for over three months. On opposite sides of the world. This shouldn’t have been anything. 

It could have been the lack of explanation. The way no one seemed to notice when Hux just disappeared. How no one seemed to care. But what hurt worse was knowing that Hux must be avoiding her on some level, too. It was her absence from the coffee shop which Ren tookas indication; that Hux hadn’t just happened not to run into Ren, while also just happening to forget that she hadn’t replied to any of Ren’s messages. There were too many now to be merely dismissed as inconvenient and missed phone calls too. Hux wouldn’t give up Case Study otherwise. 

Under any other circumstance, Ren would almost be honored that Hux was so set against seeing her. 

But Ren craved Hux’s attention. 

Any of it. All of it. The sniping the anger, the sneering rebuttals, her rolling eyes, Hux’s biting kiss. 

She _missed_ it.

Ren stepped out of the gym where her Jiu-Jitsu club trained. She spent her Tuesday and Thursday afternoons there, with her other weekdays relegated to fencing practice. But she wouldn’t be coming in on Thursday this week. Or Tuesday next week either. 

She had been suspended from the club. For hitting another team member squarely in the face during a friendly practice match. Ren had been so distracted by her own thoughts that she had let the rhythm of the sparring lull her into negligence and because of that she had narrowly missed breaking her partner’s nose. 

Ren had become better at not losing control like that. She practiced her forms deliberately, completing actions with conscientiousness, and so not letting her raw power run unchecked, but channeled and exercised with restraint. 

It wasn’t her natural inclination and it wasn’t what Snoke had in mind when he suggested she take up those sports. But her fencing coach had pulled her aside in those first months and told her point blank that while she seemed to have a natural talent for the swordsmanship, if she couldn’t be in full control of herself while on the priste, she would go no where but kicked off the team. They couldn’t have someone who was out of control. This talk had come only weeks after Ren’s own realization of how much practice helped with her aggression outside of the gym. She knew she couldn’t lose her outlets and was irrationally worried that if she did, Ren would revert back to Bee. It took dedication for her to always be aware. But she wasn’t willing to put her place on the team in jeopardy.

Yet, here she was, suspended for the rest of the term. All because she was distracted. Because of Hux and her games. 

She didn’t know why Hux was avoiding her, but it was time to settle this. Ren needed to confront Hux, in person. 

Ren had toyed with the idea of just showing up at Hux’s door some late night, but had always come up with a reason why she shouldn’t. 

At that moment standing outside of the gym in disgrace, Ren couldn’t think of one.


	5. Disorder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Until the spirit new sensation takes hold, then you know._

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

“What are you doing here?” Hux demanded, glaring at Ren from the opposite side of the threshold.

“It’s raining,” Ren managed, an understatement of the highest degree. Half way between the gym and Hux’s off campus apartment, Ren had been caught in a rainstorm of torrential proportions. Hux looked Ren up and down, taking in her sodden clothes and her hair, still dripping on the hallway carpet. 

“I know,” Hux said in a tone that indicated that was the most obvious statement in the world. 

“I could barely see ten feet in front of me,” Ren continued as if this would explain everything.

Hux didn’t so much as blink. Her gaze on Ren was heavy, making Ren feel like an insect Hux was considering squashing. Briefly, Ren rethought barging in on Hux’s space as a good course of action, but then it was Hux who dropped off the face of the earth. Hux who hadn’t given Ren so much as an acknowledgment, let alone an explanation since the accident. Hux who could just as easily slam the door in Ren’s face if she _really_ didn’t want to see her.

“Can I come in?” Ren asked, seeking out Hux’s eyes. For a second, she was sure that was exactly what Hux was going to do: slam the door in her face. But then Hux looked down and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Fuckin’ hell, Ren,” Hux sighed in her most put upon manner and turned away from Ren as if it pained her to look at the sopping mess. It probably did. She did leavethe door open. 

Ren followed her quickly inside, not wanting to give Hux the chance to change her mind. Ren pushed the door shut behind her, but stopped short a few feet inside the entry.

“Take off your shoes, at least,” Hux ordered as she disappeared through the only other doorway in the studio apartment, which Ren guessed led to both a closet and a bathroom, respectively.

Ren had been in Hux’s flat only a handful of times in the past three years. The longest might have been barely fifteen minutes one time when she and Phasma had dropped by to pick up a book on their way to try out a new smoothie bar after training. At the time, Hux could not be persuaded to join them and Phasma had been somewhat reluctant to leave without arranging some kind of concessional non-study related meet-up, even after Hux had handed over the book.

Ren glanced around the space again. It never seemed to change from it’s sparse neatness. To the right was a small sitting area. Hux did not have a TV, instead in the place of honor, facing the couch, was a decent stereo system and some book shelves. To the immediate left was the kitchen. Clean countertops and an island with a couple barstools. Going further left was the only other doorway in the medium sized room. Ren had always assumed it was a bathroom and closet combination. On the back wall of the apartment was Hux’s bed and behind that a large bay of windows.

Hux had added few truly personal touches to the room, despite it having all the accouterments of a normal living space, like the few rugs she had covering some of the hard wood floors. It was all inordinately clean to the point it could be unlived in.

The only thing that seemed out of sorts with the rest of the space was the window off to the left side of the bed was half open to the gail force rainstorm that was precipitating outside. The water droplets that we're collecting on the sill were at odds with the orderly rest of the studio. Hux was weird. 

“Here,” Hux said, just before Ren was nailed in the face by an oncoming towel. Another one landed at her feet. The toes of her socks might have been the only dry part of her, Ren thought idly as she stepped back, sock inevitably soaking up several large drops of water. Then Hux was up in her space, roughly toweling her sopping hair.

“Ugh,” Hux groaned as fresh drops of water fell on the portion of wood floor she had just wiped dry with a towel under her foot. “You’re probably going to die if I don’t get you into some dry clothes, aren’t you?”

“It’s unlikely I will die of consumption in this day and age,” Ren said, wit dry in spite of the weather. “ _You_ on the other hand...”

Hux rolled her eyes and stalked off back through the mystery door. Ren stepped over to the kitchen island. She didn’t even want to know how her phone was doing or if the money in her wallet was permanently stuck together. Still she pulled it out and was gratified that she had purchased an Otter Box case. All the ports were still covered and she wiped the beads of water of the screen protector with the only dry edge of the towel Hux had thrust at her. 

Ren set her phone aside and hesitantly pulled out her wallet. By the look of things, it hadn’t fared so well. Ren grimaced as she tried to delicately pull apart the papers.

“I will lend these to you and then you can get on your way,” Hux said handing over some blessedly dry clothes. “I trust you have no problem with going commando. There's no way you'd fit into my underwear....”

Ren shrugged. “What would even be the point of that? It’s still pouring out.”

“I don’t have an umbrella, so...” Hux shrugged back.

“You? Really?”

“Some freshman stole it on their way out of class one day,” Hux said, clearly over it. “God, Ren. Go and change! You're still dripping all over my floor! _I_ will check the forecast. Just go!” Hux gestured in the direction of the mystery door way and Ren went without further protest. In the five minutes she’s been out of the rain she had discovered how distinctly uncomfortable it is to be soaking wet.

The door led to a small hallway with a walk-in closet to her left and bathroom to her right. Ren stepped in and quietly shuts the door behind her. She barely spared a glance around the boring white room before starting on peeling off her clothes. It was no easy feat to get out of her skinny jeans when they are plastered to her skin like this and she fell against the wall in her fumbling no less than twice.

Once she was undressed, her clothes were still dripping and there was no way any of them would dry in a reasonable amount of time if Ren didn’t also wring them out. It was an actual joy to watch as streams of water fall in the sink. Ren draped her clothes over the sliding shower doors and towel bar. At least they were no longer dripping. 

She picked up the towel she had dumped on top of the closed toilet seat and dried off any lingering water drops. She ran it through her hair again, and then pulled on the clothes Hux lent her. The sweats fit alright, considering how close in height the two of them were, but the tee shirt was a bit tight for Ren’s taste. It was a forest green with huge lettering along the bust that declared it to be a product of Dublin Pride four years ago. Ren was actually surprised Hux would make time to go to Pride. She hadn’t gone since Ren knew her.

“Forecast?” Ren asked as she steps back into the main room. 

“It’s suppose to continue at this rate...” Hux said, scrolling on her phone leaning on the kitchen island. “Till late tomorrow morning.”

Ren sighed unimpressed and asks, “What now?”

“What do you mean ‘what now?’” Hux said sounding tired. “Is your phone water logged?”

“No, it’s fine.”

“Good, then you can call a cab like a normal person.”

“I’m not gonna get a cab to take me the seven minute drive home.”

“Uber then.”

“It would barely meet the base rate.”

“What? You're going to make me pay to get rid of you, is that it?”

“No, you don't have to. The forecast is usually wrong as it is, so the moment it stops pouring I'll get out of your hair.”

“Fine, whatever,” Hux sighed, more to the floor then to Ren. “I’m making some coffee. Should I make you a cup?”

“I’d love some,” Ren barely got out before the sudden too loud sound of Hux’s coffee grinder erupted through the flat. Once Hux finished grinding the beans, Ren figured it was as good a time as any to find out what had been going on.

“So why have you been avoiding me?” Ren asked in the relative silence of the room.

Hux’s hand didn’t so much as falter as she dumped the grounds into the filter.

“I’ve been busy,” Hux said simply, gently tapping the grinder on the side of the counter to free some of the grounds beneath the blades. She tipped the final remains on top of the rest, before grabbing the pot and stepping over the sink to fill it with water.

“Too busy to send me reply?” Ren asked, annoyed _that_ was the excuse Hux was going with, as Hux poured the water into the chamber and returns the pot to its proper place. “I’m not a child, Hux. You could have just told me you and Snoke had a fight.”

“Is that what he told you?” Hux asked, slamming the filter back in the machine and stabbing the brew button before rounding on Ren, expression more hostile than normal.

“No, he said you’d lost your way...”

Hux let out a bark of sardonic laughter, “Well, we didn’t have a ‘fight’ and no I haven’t lost my way. No thanks to him.”

“I never thought you had,” Ren admitted. “Look you don’t have to tell me what happened there-”

“You’re right, I don’t.”

“- _but_ I don’t want you to keep avoiding me. And if that’s why-”

“I have been busy,” Hux reiterated. “You say I’ve been avoiding you. I just haven’t been going out. 

“And I’m supposed to believe you don’t take your office hours at Case Study anymore, just for the hell of it?” Ren asked. Hux was a creature of habit. There was no way she could deny that she wasn’t specifically avoiding Ren.

“I have to meet with my new thesis advisor. There’s a lot to smooth over-”

“Bullshit! Stop lying!”

“Fine! Yes!” Hux snapped. “I was avoiding you, because I knew you’d ask me about what happened....I can’t talk about it.”

“Can’t or _won’t?_ ”

“No, we are not doing this,” Hux said, glaring at Ren like she had just murdered her cat. 

“Hux-”

“I’m _tried_ , Ren. What I’ve had to do since we last spoke has been more exhausting than that Star Killer defense debate Snoke assigned us to first year. So if you want to spend any amount of time with me, never talk about it. Never ask me about it.”

Ren sat back on her heels. She remembered the endless string of all nighters they had pulled to dredge up a suitable defense for a famous serial killer of Hollywood starlets. They hadn’t really been working together and whatever semblance of a cohesive report they had created prior to the debate, was negated entirely by their horrible lack of teamwork during it. Their refutations in the debate had largely consisted of snarling insults at _each other_ , rather than presenting a united front against the prosecuting side. It had been a mess and Hux hadn’t let her hear the end of it for months.

But they had absolutely run themselves ragged over that. Both desperate to impress Snoke and outshine the other. Ren hadn’t felt that tired since. She couldn’t imagine feeling that way for months.

The coffee pot clicked and then beeped. Hux turned, pulling two mugs from a cupboard and pouring them both a cup, before putting the pot back and handing Ren her mug. 

Ren let their fingers brush when she took the proffered coffee. It was a shock to feel and it occurred to Ren that Hux was often like ice in more ways than one.

“You’re hands are cold.”

“My hands are always cold, Ren.”

Ren resisted the urge to scoff. Hux ate a balanced diet from what Ren had seen and ran every day, but in spite of that she still had poor circulation. It was just another reminder that Hux wasn’t the perfect robot she’d like to be. That Ren could reintegrate herself in Hux’s life. That Ren could worm her way in through Hux’s defenses like Hux had scaled Ren’s. 

“And yet you still prefer iced coffee.”

“It’s hard to mainline scalding beverages, yes,” Hux agreed sardonic, probably pissy at Ren for picking at her idiosyncrasies.

Ren set down her mug and carefully took the hand Hux had left lying on the counter between them.

When she looked up again there was that bone deep weariness that Ren saw so rarely in Hux’s eyes.

“What do you want, Ren?” Hux demands, exhausted.

Ren wanted a lot of things. She wanted to please Professor Snoke. She wanted to get a breakthrough in her research. She wanted to be the best at what she did. She wanted her parents to just leave her the hell alone. But right now she just wanted Hux. 

The realization _that_ was the only reason she was standing in Hux’s kitchen is so cliché. Letting the words sit in her mouth for even a scant few seconds made Ren feel like she was seven again with a cavity. But then she met Hux’s pale, tired eyes. Everything about her was always so sharp and cutting. Even now it seemed as if she was reading all of Ren’s secrets, but never giving anything away herself. 

“You, obviously,” Ren said giving in. It was true, at least.

Hux sucked in a breath. She clearly hadn’t been expecting Ren to give her a straight answer, despite her very apparent exhaustion. She recovered somewhat quickly, choosing her next words with extreme care.

“You want me to take you to my bed?”

“That’s one way of putting it,” Ren said inclining her head.

Hux looked considering; as if she was weighing Ren’s merit. 

Ren wasn’t sure what she’d do if Hux found her wanting.

“Alright,” Hux finally nodded. “But,” Hux continued carefully, watching Ren like she was one of her test subjects. “ _Only_ if we do it my way.”

Hux continued to stare at Ren, like she was waiting for her to object. Ren barely even considered. She _could_ argue but then Hux wasn’t one to relent. Hux had added that qualification. However much she might being eyeing Ren hungrily and with purpose, if Ren wanted to _negotiate_ , Hux had the self-restraint and respect to drop the proposal entirely. She’d make Ren sleep on the couch. Or worse, kick her out right then. It wasn’t like Ren actually _opposed_ the idea of Hux having her way with her anyway.

“Tell me what you want,” Ren said when Hux kept eyeing her. Hux quirked her brow. 

“You’ll see,” she said then nodded at Ren’s coffee, “Done?” 

“For now, yeah.”

“Come on, then,” Hux took her back the wrist and led her around the island to her bed. 

Hux pushed Ren back on the bed, but didn’t make any move to close the distance between them.

“Move up,” Hux commanded. Ren scooted up the bed slightly. 

“Good,” Hux stopped her, crawling in after Ren. Hux’s hands came to rest on Ren’s shoulders, pushed her against the down duvet and pillows. Then she moved up a bit, reaching over Ren to pull open her bedside drawer. She rooted around in it for a couple seconds before returning with something Ren couldn’t quite see. After setting it above Ren’s head, Hux then started guiding her arms up, above her head till they met and then down slightly, until they connected with the smooth metal of Hux’s bed-frame. 

“Hux,” Ren breathed, realizing Hux’s intentions.

Hux shushed her lightly. She tightened her grip on both of Ren’s wrists in one hand as the other wrapped as silk scarf around them. Hux used both hands to tie the knot that would secure them to the headboard. 

“Relax,” Hux said drawing out of the word and running her hands back down along Ren’s arms, down her torso, abdomen, her hips and thighs, before hooking under her knees. She pulls Ren’s knees further a part and filling the space with herself. “What’s your safe word?”

Ren suddenly felt such terrible anticipation for what Hux was planning, mixed with an inextricable fondness for her and all her rules. It tingled in Ren’s veins and set off sparks in her gut.

“Cincinnati.” Hux pulled back to give her a curious look. 

“What, pray tell, do you have against the great city of Ohio?” Hux asked as she slipped her hands under Ren’s borrowed shirt. 

“Skywalker bullshit. Ask me about it sometime you aren’t trying to get into my pants,” Ren said, completely unsurprised Hux would want to get into a conversation about the origin of her safe word _during_ sex. She always liked being difficult for Ren.

“Maybe I will,” Hux said considering, as her hands trail out from under the tee to the hem, before pulling it up over and off of Ren’s head, but not any further. Hux sits back then admiring her handiwork. Ren’s nipples are already hard, raised nubs. 

A reaction that could have just been from the chill of the room, but the truth was: Ren was already unbearably aroused. Wet, despite Hux really not having done anything. Then Hux did something.

She leaned down and took one of Ren’s nipples into her mouth. Hux then put her hands on Ren’s ribcage and let them slowly start their descent. When one, dipped between her legs, under Ren’s borrowed sweatpants, Hux let her fingers trace the folds of Ren, dancing around her clit, and then back out. 

Ren sighed. It occurred to her then with startling clarity, that maybe she hadn’t really thought through what Hux would want to do with her like this. Hux’s key personality trait as being a thorn in Ren’s side had always extended to what she wanted to do during sex. Ren should have foreseen that carrying through to what she’d want to do in bed.

Hux pulled back entirely to pull off the pants, throwing them over the side of the bed and staring down at Ren for several seconds before diving back in. 

“Tell me when you’re close,” Hux ordered, as her fingers began stroking Ren’s clit. Hux leaned back up to take her other nipple in her mouth. 

Ren bit her lip to try and stop any other noises from escaping. Hux was stroking her faster. She already felt so close.

“Hux,” Ren warned. 

Hux pulled off her. Ren whined at the loss, but it was bearable, until Hux disappeared from between her legs. Rummaging for a couple more seconds the drawer _again_. 

When Hux sat back, she had a bright red bit of silicone in her hands. Hux met Ren’s eyes with a curl of a wicked smile forming on her lips. 

“I assume you have one of these?” Hux held the viberator up for her to a see better view.

Ren shook her head. 

“Really?” Hux’s grinned widened. 

“Haven’t felt the need,” Ren said. When she masturbated, _if she masturbated_ , Ren didn’t feel like she needed to drag it out to the point where her wrists ached. She wasn’t one to tease herself and Ren had at an early age figured out what she liked. The pressure and speed of real fingers was nice and plastic seemed uninviting, if she were forced to pinpoint a specific reason.

Hux hummed, before ducking back down. She let the vibe trail from Ren’s clit, down to her vagina, swirling around the liquid that had pooled there. Then took it back up to her clit, rubbed it gently and then she turned it on.

Ren jerked in shock at the feel of it humming against her. Ren guessed Hux had started on a low vibration setting, but it was so different from what fingers could do, but the sensations it elicited were the same. Hux moved the vibe in small circles and Ren’s orgasm built quicker than before. She lost herself in it.

“You’re getting close again,” Hux warned, rolling the vibe away from her clit. Ren exhaled hard. She hadn’t thought Hux had wanted her to keep telling her _when_. 

“You’re such a _tease_ ,” Ren groaned, wondering why she had wanted this. 

“You wanted me,” Hux all but sing-songed, as if reading Ren’s mind and taunting her for it. 

Hux took her to the brink of orgasm three more excruciating times. With each round, she upped the intensity of the vibrations, teasing Ren and leaving her a whimpering mess of sensations when she pulled away.

When Hux started the fifth round, Ren actually tried to snap her legs closed. It was too much. Her clit had been worked up into an extremely sensitive state. She wasn’t sure she could take much more of this. Now when Hux rubbed circles with the vibe close, it was just painful as it was pleasurable. Ren’s entire body was alight, thrumming with energy that Hux was seemingly never going to allow her to release. 

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted to have you under me like this?” Hux asked, as Ren writhed under her ministrations. 

Ren was too far gone to demand why Hux hadn’t made a move sooner if she wanted Ren spread out like this. Ren would have let her. Amidst the rolling waves of sensation, she thinks she might let Hux do anything to her. 

When it felt like Hux would hold her release just out of reach for forever, she asked, “Do you want to come?”

Ren was only vaguely aware she was very near crying with relief when she began to babble “yes” and “please.” This round Hux didn’t tease her pulling the toy away at the wrong time. Ren felt the pleasure well around her, satisfyingly unimpeded as Hux finally let her come. 

After the stars passed, Ren felt Hux flick the vibrator off and toss it to the side of the bed. She leaned down to give Ren’s oversensitive and swollen clit an actually painful lick. 

Then Hux climbed off of Ren completely collapsing next to her. She watched Hux as she stretches out and closed her eyes for a long second before opening them again, blinking up at the rain patterns being drawn on the ceiling from the streetlight’s reflection through the bay of windows. 

What Hux didn’t do was untie her. She didn’t seem perturbed by the fact that she herself hadn’t come, despite the time she just took to take Ren to the brink more times then she’d thought possible. 

Ren sighed, sated and tiredly. But when Hux didn’t even turn to smile at her, Ren knew. Hux may have let her come, but she was still teasing her. 

Hux knew how much Ren loved to eat her out. and she was withholding the pleasure to taunt her.

“Hux, come on,” Ren said as she attempted to roll her shoulders, but the lack of mobility of her hands made the movement jerky and completely unsatisfying.

“Do you want something?” 

“ _You_ , Hux. C’mon.”

“You just _had_ me, Ren,” Hux pointed out, unbothered by Ren’s apparent impatience.

“I want to touch you,” Ren clarified, trying to not get frustrated. 

“Ah. Got to ask nicely,” Hux said sly and grinning. So that was the game. Ren wasn’t proposing anything outrageous. If Hux wanted to get off, she would have to untie Ren. It was simple. Ren wasn’t going to beg her for the _privilege_.

“Hux, come on. Untie me,” Ren said. “I want to get you off.”

“Now, I don’t know about you, but that sounded more like a demand to me,” Hux said, breath close on Ren’s upper neck, ghosting her ear. “What did I say about us doing this _my_ way? Perhaps I should be more clear. _Beg me_.”

“ _Hux_ -”

Ren watched as Hux moved her hand slowly but steadily down her body, watching Ren just as intently.

“You haven’t done a very good job of hiding how much pleasure you get from eating me out,” Hux said, maintaining eye contact as she slipped one her hands into her own yoga pants. Teasing Ren. “Sometimes, I think you’re going to come again when you’re down there and I’ve already brought you off.”

Hux got up on her knees again, hand still down her pants, making defined circles. She was still taking in Ren’s reactions, clearly seeing something there, as she swung her leg over Ren, bringing the show that much closer. Ren knew she was obvious, but it was unfortunate that Hux could read her so well. And she still couldn’t touch Hux.

“I know how much you want to taste me. How much you enjoy making me come undone....that’s how you think of it, isn’t it?” Hux asked, her gaze lingering cooly like she could do this all night. Ren knew she couldn’t.

As if to prove that her orgasm wasn’t going to wait for Ren’s indecision much longer, Hux’s breath hitched and Ren watched as she bore down on her hand harder. Ren had never seen Hux masturbate. Watching her take herself apart was a sight to behold, but nothing could compare to when Hux was under Ren’s hands. Nothing was as good.

“Please,” Ren finally broke. 

“Please, what?” Hux asked, her hand not stilling for a second. 

“Hux, please let me get you off. _Please._ ”

“Better,” Hux allowed and moved slightly, grinding herself down on Ren, who let out a pained whine. “But I don’t think I need to untie you for _that_ ,” Hux said meeting Ren’s eyes before flicking her gaze down to Ren’s lips and back up again.

Ren blushed furiously, when she realized what Hux was implying and how deeply she wanted it. Hux watched her for several seconds, letting Ren imagine it. 

She had never considered what it would be like to let someone use her for their pleasure like that. Giving her have no choice but to take it, even if her breath was being stifled by their cunt. Sure, Ren had given head to some pushy people. Women who had been too aggressive. But she’d always been able to grab their hips and push them back if she needed to. That wouldn’t be the case here.

“Do you want to get me off?” Hux asks again. Ren recognized it for what it was: an out. It was also a challenge. One Ren would rise to even if she wasn’t already at Hux’s mercy. She wanted Hux to take her mouth. 

Ren knew Hux won’t proceed without her expressed consent. Ren nodded, shakily. Hux turned her head to the side, still waiting, but no longer grinding into her own fingers.

“I want to get you off,” Ren admitted. 

Hux wasted no time in divesting herself of her pants and underwear, before climbing up to hover just over Ren’s mouth. She looked horribly flushed as she lowered herself on to Ren’s face. 

“Breathe, Ren,” Hux’s voice came from above her. Ren licked her clit, as if to compel Hux to get a move on. 

Hux started rocking her hips slowly, letting Ren get a taste of her and what it was like, then faster as she began to seek her own pleasure. Hux wasn’t gentle. Nor did she seem that concerned if Ren got enough air, rolling her hips with increasing measure and pressure.

Ren loved it, moaning into Hux’s cunt. She had never been this aroused without the intention of getting off. Ren didn’t want to go again, wasn’t sure she _could_ with a single touch to her clit being considerably more pain than pleasure, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t getting worked up again.

Ren almost wished that Hux would untie her. So she could dig her fingers into Hux’s ass and guide her. So she could make this better for Hux, less clumsy.

But it was apparent that Hux was much closer than she had tried to make Ren believe. She could taste the sweat forming from Hux’s exertion, both grinding and keeping her weight from smothering Ren completely. Her pacing quickly began to loose its rhythm as her body began to jump in pleasure. Ren licked harder till she was spasming above her. Hux’s hand made a loud thuncking noise as she grabbed the bed frame to steady herself through her orgasm.

Hux pulled off her and rolled onto the other side of the bed. The whole place smelled like sex, Ren thought hazily. She felt Hux pull at the silk bindings until they fell from her wrists and rubbed at Ren’s arms to get the blood circulating again, before relaxed against the pillows. Ren laid there for several seconds before deciding to push her luck. She rolled over to wrap her now free arms around Hux.

“Ren, get off,” Hux mumbled. 

“In a minute,” Ren lied. 

“I’m serious. I need a shower.” 

“Five more minutes,” Ren promised, tightening her embrace. Glad her arms were finally able to wrap around Hux like she had wanted them.

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

When Ren woke, it was to in empty bed. On her Hux’s pillow was a piece of paper. Hux had written ' _I had to go teach my 7:30 AM and will be back around lunch. Catch up on some sleep if you'd like.'_

Although Ren would have liked to sleep a little longer, she had no idea when she’d get another opportunity to poke around Hux’s flat unsupervised. Ren rolled out of bed, naked and uncaring, and made her way over to the where she left her phone. It told her that it was eleven o’four, which gave her about an hour. Maybe an hour and a half, if she got lucky. Hux’s apartment wasn’t that big so it should be ample time to search out its treasures. 

But first, Ren decided, she desperately needed to take a shower. She was a bit sticky. There was an ache in her clit, a pleasant reminder of what she and Hux did the night before. Ren wandered into the bathroom and flicked open the medicine cabinet, only to find it stocked with various hair gels and creams. The paint from the 80s party at the beginning of the year was there, along with a couple other colors Ren wanted to see Hux in. But that was the most interesting item amongst the bobby pins and first aid miscellanea.

Ren pulled her clothes off the shower door, annoyed to find that her jeans and and bra were still damp. Sighing, she turned the water on hot and stepped under the rapidly warming spray. The warm water helped release some of the tension Hux had created in her shoulders by binding her hands. After she was done, Ren dried off and redraped her clothes over the door. Ren toweled her hair dry and tugged back on Hux’s sweats, before beginning to wander around Hux’s apartment. 

Ren started in the closet. Shoes in neat rows, Hux’s outfits ordered by clothing item and then color. On the section of shelving, her jewelry and cufflinks, a bowl for spare change, and, oddly, a decade old family photograph left face down. At ankle level, she found a cupboard hiding a combination safe. In the kitchen, she opened all the cupboards til she found Hux’s stash of red wine and whiskey in the kitchen.

She was picking through Hux’s bookshelves when Ren heard the key fit into the lock. She all but jumped onto Hux’s couch, pulling out her phone and trying to look casual. _Chill_ and definitely not a snoopy shit. Hux would probably kick her out if she caught her, but then Hux should have thought about that before leaving Ren alone.

“Hey,” Ren greeted from her reclined position once Hux has closed the door.

“Hey,” Hux returned, glancing at her as she set her shoulder bag and a brown paper sack on the kitchen island. “Sleep good?”

“Great, actually,” Ren replied as Hux finishes washing her hands. 

“Good,” Hux said drying them and turning to the cupboard Ren had discovered kept the plates. “I brought sandwiches.”

“Oh, yeah?” Ren asked, rising from the couch. Hux has set the plates next to the brown sack.

“Water?”

“Sure,” Ren said taking a seat on one of the barstools. Hux took the stool next to Ren, setting down the glasses and picking up the sack. She pulled out two bundles of yellow paper and some napkins, handing one over to Ren and setting about unwrapping her own on one of the plates. Ren watched briefly as Hux opened up her sandwich to remove the pickles. Then Ren unwrapped her own, yellow paper crinkling loudly. 

They ate in silence. Hux was seemingly unperturbed by the elephant in the room, but Ren couldn’t help how her stomach had begun to twist. It was likely that once they were done with lunch, Hux would ask her if didn’t have anything better to do with her time than loaf around her flat, prompting Ren to leave. Ren couldn’t help but think that this was her last chance to persuade Hux they start doing _that_ on the regular.

“I want to do this again,” Ren finally said, more to her sandwich than Hux.

“Well,” Hux said, considering her sandwich. “These certainly won’t be your last. Unless Lucky’s is shut down by the public health department,” Hux paused, “Which I feel is a distinct possibility every time I set foot in there.”

“No, the health inspectors know Lucky’s is too delicious to let them fail,” Ren protested, before settling back into correct Hux. Was she making this awkward? No, Hux was being deliberately obtuse. “But I was talking about. Us. Last night.”

Hux eyed her unimpressed with Ren’s apparent conclusion. “It’s not like we haven’t fucked before, Ren.”

“We have never taken our time like that. 

“It would have happened eventually,” Hux said, nonplussed. 

“We’re doing this again,” Ren stated outright, annoyed by Hux’s pussyfooting. 

“Of course,” Hux blinked at her before taking a bite of her sandwich.

“Really?”

“You’re acting awfully surprised for someone who made a statement. Not a question,” Hux observed. “You _did_ enjoy last night didn’t you?”

“Dare I say it was better than that time we did it in Gloss.” Ren said, mildly. She couldn’t parse Hux’s decidedly unaffected attitude on the whole conversation. Ren had anticipated Hux shutting her down immediately or mocking Ren. Both had seemed like equally viable and Ren had prepared responses accordingly. She had been prepared for a fight. Not acquiescence. 

“You still got off though, didn’t you?”

Gloss was a smoker’s hole. The kind of place that never got around to enforcing the law against smoking indoors. The kind of place where if you spent anytime in there longer than five minutes, you wouldn’t be able to get the stench of decades of smoke out of your clothes for a solid week. Hux wasn’t a regular, but she appreciated the bar’s mentality towards cigarettes and they knew her well enough to know her order. Ren did not appreciate the bar owner’s opinions on the cleanliness of the restrooms. She had only been there once, at Hux’s behest during a bar crawl, but Ren had never gone back. She had been in a lot of bars and subsequently a lot of bar toilets. While Ren had seen few that could contend with the fabled ‘worst toilet in Scotland,’ Gloss seemed to be angling for worst toilet in the tri-state area, at the least. Disgusting didn’t even begin to cover it.

Ren shrugged. Hux was right. In spite their surroundings, orgasms had been achieved. Although, that might have been their record for fastest fuck. 

Ren took another bite of her sandwich. Hux was nearly half finished with hers and Ren, despite not having eaten anything since before practice yesterday, had just picked at her’s. She couldn’t believe that after months of having amazing albeit a tad uncomfortable sex in bathroom stalls, broom closets, alleys and on one notable occasion an empty VIP lounge, that Hux was so quick to forgo her rule with Ren for the second time. 

Ren wanted to think that she was just that great. But while she had a healthy level of confidence on most things, that was too self venerating. Ren knew she was a good fuck, but realistically speaking she also knew Hux had had better with more experienced women.

Which left Ren with only one other option: that Hux was just as compromised as she was. 

Ren didn’t dare hope that could be the case. Hux didn’t like attachments. She wasn’t looking for something complicated like that. Ren wondered how Hux had conditioned her to think that they were getting closer to a relationship by her letting her sleep in her bed. That was where normal people took their fuck buddies, right? Even thought they’d established they would do this again, Ren still wanted more. She was reminded of something that she adoptive grandfather had told her from time to time.

_You will never know unless you ask. You won’t get what you want unless you ask for it._

Bail had been an admirable politician with tactical genius and altruistic optimism, both qualities which he had given to his daughter, but Bail had also been soft in ways her mother hadn’t often shown to Bee as she grew older. It was Bail’s warning that she would likely wonder forever, if she never asked for what she really wanted, that let Ren decide it was time to say fuck it and throw all caution to the wind. Phasma was right. She just needed to ask Hux.

“Can we-” Ren started, before second guessing her phrasing. “Is this our version of dating?”

“I’m surprised you didn’t ask me sooner, actually,” Hux sighed. Ren could just tell she was priming up an insult to distract Ren from her question. “So needy for validation...not to mention possessive.”

“That’s not an answer.” 

“What? You want to?” Hux asked, looking moderately baffled. “Really?”

“Fucking- yes- why would I ask if I didn’t- God, Hux just answer the damn question?” Ren yelled. “Can we be dating now or what?”

“I suppose.”

Ren deflated. Hux wasn’t looking too happy about it or even at Ren at all. She was picking the pickles off the second half of her sandwich, studiously avoiding Ren’s eyes. 

“You sound so enthused,” Ren huffed. 

“I brought you a sandwich, didn’t I?” Hux shot back, as if that settled everything.

Maybe it did.

If that was how Hux showed her affection, Ren figured she could live with that. Ren watched Hux take another bite. As her stomach unworked the knots it’d tied itself into, Ren wondered what might have happened if she had pushed Hux a little sooner.

She supposed it didn’t really matter since they had gotten there eventually.


	6. New Dawn Fades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _A change of speed, a change of style._

 

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

 

It should be unsurprising to Ren that once Tina finds out that she and Hux are dating (whatever that actually entails as they haven’t even been on a conventional date and Ren doesn’t particularly care if they do as long as Hux lets her crash at her place in their free time), that she  proposes they all go on a double date.

Hux doesn’t seem that worried about it when Tina suggests it and the conversation is over nearly as quickly as it started when Hux tells Tina that she should just text them the details 

So that’s how they meet a central location and proceed to make their way to whatever place Tina has cooked up, which happened to be a warehouse building in the meatpacking district that was pulsating with a techo beat.

“This is a dance club,” Ren said, dismayed, as they came to a stop in front of the venue that was well on its way to being packed.

“It is indeed,” Tina said, happily, resting her head on Ren’s toned upper arm. Ren shoves her off, disgruntled.

“I thought you said this place would be ‘perfect’ for a double date,” Hux states, unimpressed. “Ren sucks at dancing. That’s why she hates it.”

Ren would bite back at Hux’s false assertion but she was too annoyed with Tina at the moment. Plus, if Hux was going to rip the other girl apart that meant twice the carnage because Ren certainly was going to lay into her after Hux got done.

“I thought from all your giggling you were going to take us some place ridiculous like bowling...or roller skating. I was prepared to mock you. _Mercilessly._ Now I wish I could, but for entirely different reasons...”

Ren turned to Hux then, noting that her retort was awfully mild. Especially considering Tina was one of their best friends. Hux seemed to be more annoyed than angry, but mostly she was ... disappointed? Ren hadn’t thought she’d cared that much about Tina’s scheming little double date to actually be disappointed over it being a bust before it even started.

“Did you encourage this?” Hux asked Phasma.

“Why would I do that?” Phaz replied, enigmatic.

“Why indeed.”

Or maybe... Ren wondered if perhaps Hux wasn’t really annoyed at Tina’s apparent lack of understanding of how much Ren hated dancing, but how she was effectively rubbing the fact that Ren won’t dance with her. The more Ren thought about it, the more it seemed like a distinct possibility. Ren had had a difficult time getting Hux’s expression out of her head months ago while she had been slightly buzzed, dancing with Tina. It was a rare sight to for Hux to be that genuinely happy and showing it. Ren gone home with that long haired ginger just to try and shake the image, but it really hadn’t worked.

Ren wanted Hux to look at her like that. She wanted to be the reason Hux smiled like that.

“No, it’s fine,” Ren decided. “We can go here.”

“I don’t want to wallflower, Ren,” Hux said, still glaring at Tina, who couldn’t be more nonplussed.

“We won’t,” Ren said. “I’ll dance with you.” Hux’s attention snapped back to her in an instant.

“You can’t be serious,” Hux finally said, dubious and completely ignoring the way Tina was now gripping Phasma and bouncing excitedly.

But Ren was.

If dancing in a crowded club was going to make Hux happy, Ren was willing to do it.

For Hux.

How fucking sappy, she thought bitterly.

“Yeah, I am," Ren said, noting a cautiously optimistic light come into Hux's eyes.

"Well, let's get on the dance floor then!" Tina exclaimed. Hux was still looking at Ren with a curious expression, not even bothering to pretend to be off-put by Tina's enthusiasm. Ren resisted the urge to reach out and take Hux’s hand.

Tina greeted the bouncer like they were old friends and the four of them were ushered inside ahead of the considerable line. Ren took in the vaulted space. The club had a large dance floor and a crowded bar to the left. Phasma began to use her considerable presence to get them a spot out on the dance floor. Ren wished Phaz had the foresight to make a pitstop at the bar first. If Ren was going to do this, it _probably_ would be easier slightly tipsy. She considered shouting that she’d meet them out there, when Hux’s hand grasped her’s. 

Ren wasn’t sure she even cared that Hux was still looking ahead. That she was holding Tina’s hand too, that she was likely only doing it so they didn’t loose each other in the crowd. She had never held hands with Hux. Arms and wrists, of course, they’d managed to avoid it until now.

Eventually Phasma had a spot on the floor she liked, and the four of them paired off. To Ren’s chagrin, she didn’t need to be tipsy for it to come back to her. Dancing was surprisingly easy to slip back into. Skywalker had pushed Bee, and later Rey, towards ballet, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t dabbled in other forms and styles too. Ren dipped in to that repertoire now, aiming to impress. And from the way Hux was responding, it was working. 

She was looking at Ren like she’d hung the fucking moon. Their bodies sliding closer and closer by the centimeter, until Ren was sure that Hux was about to kiss her. She really wanted her to.

Hux was leaning in, the scant space between them, when large hands were pushing them apart. 

“I believe it’s my turn with the dazzling brunette,” the man who had insinuated himself between them said. Ren’s eye began to twitch. 

“Excuse you?” Hux demanded giving the the interloper a truly frightening expression.

“Why don’t you run on back to your lezzy friends over there, Red,” the man said. Ren decided he was either absolutely pissed or stupid. “I’ll be taking it from here.”

“Actually, I happen to be a ‘lezzy’ too,” Ren said, shoving the guy away from her. He doesn’t go far with the dancing mass of people pushing in on all sides.

“Well, we can change that," the man leered. Disgusted outrage burned even brighter in Ren then.

It was more of a reflex than a decision to punch the guy. 

Unsurprisingly, he punched her back, hard. And when Ren tried to kick him, he swung at her head. The pain erupted around her ear and hunched over as her equilibrium was thrown off. 

Ren was dazed by that last punch, but she was vaguely aware of big hands holding her up, gripping her waist and one of her breasts. Ren was turned at an odd angle, now, slowly regaining her bearings. Too slowly. 

“Don’t fucking touch her,” Hux had snarled loud enough to be heard over the pulsing beat. The interloper who had been groping her jolted with some kind of impact and then dropped Ren completely.

 

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

 

“This is _bullshit_!” Ren yells as one of the bouncers bodily drags her out of the back door of the club. “He insulted us and he wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer!”

“Miss, please keep your voice down,” was the only response from the bouncer Ren got. She was vaguely aware of Hux sullenly being guided by a second security guard a few steps behind them.

When they are finally tossed out on their ears, it’s through the back door as a courtesy not to be stuck on the street with the guy they had just been in a fist fight with.

“Please, don’t come back,” the bouncer told them both.

“What the fuck!” Ren shouted when the door had been slammed and secured. 

 

“What did you expect they were gonna do when you started throwing punches?” Hux asked bitterly, digging in her pockets, most likely for her cigarettes. “They can’t set that kind of precedent.”

“You punched him too!”

“You saw nothing of the sort,” Hux denied primly. Ren glanced over at her to see if she was really going to deny her involvement in the fight, especially considering as she was the one who finished it.

It was dark in the alley, but Ren watched as Hux’s facade of nonchalance began to crack, before she let out this stifled snorting sound that burst the damn of her composure. Ren felt her own lips quirk.

“His _face_ -” Hux hiccuped with laughter. “When you-”

The memory of his face full of shocked _anger_ right after Ren had punched him was indeed comedic gold and she too fell into hysterics at the mention of it. 

“We need to do that again some time,” Ren said, leaning against the alley wall.

“Agreed,” Hux said. “The whole thing though. I want to finish what I started on that dance floor.”

“I wouldn’t be opposed,” Ren said before spitting out some bloody saliva that had been pooling under her tongue. “God, I’m starved.”

“What? That fight didn’t sate your appetite?”

“What do you think?”

Hux snorted. “Good luck finding a place still open around here.”

“Oh, ye of little faith,” Ren grinned. _Challenge accepted._

 

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

 

Twenty minutes later, they find themselves having just been seated at a twenty-four hour Denny’s.

“You’re impressed,” Ren stated, looking up from her menu. “I can tell.”

“Yes, you continue to astound me,” Hux said, with something closer to distain than amazement as she peered down at her own menu.

“Can I get you ladies some coffee?” their server asked appearing in the near empty diner and at the end of their table as if from the ether.

“Sounds good,” Ren said.

“Great, I’ll be right back with those and to take your order,” the server said before heading off. Hux picked up her menu, expression pinched. Ren smirked and took up her own.

“Find something you can stomach?” Ren asked, after a few more minutes of perusal, curious what if anything Hux would eat. To say this was not her type of place was an understatement.

“I think so,” Hux answered, closing her menu as the waitress appeared again with two mugs and a pot of coffee.

“Alright, what can I get you?”

“You start,” Ren said.

“Do you have wheat bread?”

“Yep,” the server confirmed.

“Then I’ll have that on your club sandwich,” Hux said, handing over her menu.

“I’ll have your All American Slam,” Ren told the server, before handing over her menu. She turned to Hux, asking: “Really? of all the things they have...”

Hux shrugged, taking a sip of her coffee. She didn’t openly grimace, but it was a near thing and Ren watched as she picked up one of the tiny pots of creamer that the server had left in a bowl. If any thing she looked even more dubious, setting it back in the bowl.

“You’re such a coffee snob.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing to appreciate craftsmanship and quality,” Hux shot back. Ren grinned and took a sip of her coffee. She covered up her own grimace by starting a conversation she’d been meaning to have for a while. 

“So tell me something about yourself,” Ren said preamble of nothing.

“Seriously, Ren,” Hux asked derisive.

“What?” Ren demanded. “I don’t know barely anything about you.” Hux makes an abortive move to rub at her eyes, but must remember her eye shadow because she stops

“If we’re doing this, then it’s gonna be a truth for a truth. You can state an assumption, then I’ll tell you if it’s true or not. Then it reverses.”

“Alright, but none of this true or false crap if the answer actually calls for an elaboration,” Ren amended. Hux scowls. “Unless it’s like about how your mom died or something.”

Ren had been trying to diffuse didn’t think it was possible, but Hux’s glare got even more murderous.

“Fucking fuck,” Ren cursed herself.

Hux sighed and turned her pinched expression out the window.

“I didn’t know. This is exactly why we need to-” Ren interrupted herself. “Hux, I’m so-”

“Just ask your fucking question, Ren.”

“How?”

“...you realize your contradicting your own rules? Already?” Hux glared.

“I won’t ask you about it again. Hux please.”

“UN peace keeping mission. Chad. 2007. Friendly fire.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you-”

“Ah, ah. My turn.”

“And this is why I wanted to have a conversation,” Ren grumbled. “Shoot.”

“You are a nosy inconsiderate bitch, who doesn’t know when to stop pushing people.”

“Fine. True,” Ren said, probably not as angry as Hux was aiming to make her. She was actually more surprised Hux would waste her turn like that than offended. “Your mother was an Irish UN relief worker and father’s an American...what?”

“My mother was a _Ceannfort_ in the Irish army. My father is a lawyer in New York, and yes I have dual citizenship,” Hux said in an annoyed tone that indicated she would be thoroughly unimpressed if Ren wanted to ask her anything else even slightly related to her mother. “You resent being accepted to Yale.”

“Because it’s my mother’s alma mater?” Ren clarifies.

Hux nodded.

“Not as much as you might think. I’m not sure I’d have the direction to pursue dark matter physics if Leia hadn’t dragged me along to that reunion, where I first met Snoke. Speaking with him really solidified my choice to leave dance school as soon as possible and follow my grandfather’s footsteps.”

“Ah,” Hux said sitting back. Ren watched her closely. Ever since their props and whatever had happened, Hux would become somewhat tetchy if Snoke was mentioned. She tried to hide it, but Ren knew what she looked like uncomfortable. “When was this?”

“That’s not how we’re playing,” Ren sing-songed. “You grew up in Dublin. When’d you move to the states?”

“The summer after. I was a junior in high school when all my transfers were said and done,” Hux answered flatly. “When was this?” Hux asked again, undeterred.

“We met when I was sixteen and kept in touch by email till I left Skywalker’s school.” Ren wanted to point out how preoccupied she seemed with that detail, but Hux would take that as an assumption. One wasted. “I’m just surprised you didn’t want to go to college over there. Surely you think of that as your home?”

“I did go back,” Hux sighed and pinched her nose. “Trinity College is my undergrad alma mater, Ren, if you’d ever bothered to pay attention...”

Ren scrunched up her brow. Suddenly struck with the bizarre possibility that if something had gone differently in Hux’s life they would have never met.

”I am your first ‘serious relationship,’” Hux said, fingers supplying air quotes around the words that her tone already stressed.

“Hmm, sort of. Bee Organa dated a girl when she was seventeen,” Ren said. The way she thought of her childhood, Ren didn’t see herself as the same person. Who she was now allowed for that separation, but she could see how someone else wouldn’t get it. She wondered how Hux saw it, since she had only ever known her as Kylo Ren. Bee Organa must seem like a figment of imagination. “Was it just not what you remembered?” Ren asked, somehow managing to hold on to both threads of the conversation.

“No, I love Dublin. You’re right, it still feels like home,” Hux said, but didn’t elaborate further. Hux’s expression wasn’t malicious but it was obvious she was going to make Ren pay for every truth she was dragging out of her. “This former lover of your’s. Something tells me you weren’t nearly as combative as us.”

“No,” Ren chuckled. Poe had been easy going, sweet, but mostly too good natured for what Bee was going through as she got more and more fed up with Skywalker’s bullshit. “She was several years older than me. A charter pilot and would bring guests and supplies in for the school on her plane. That’s how we met.” Ren remembered after a particularly rough fight with Luke, Poe had flown Bee to visit her home neighborhood and her foster parents in NYC. That night at the cantina, salsa dancing with Poe under the string lights and stars was one of the happiest moments of Bee Organa’s existence. But Poe’s optimism had grated on Bee and too often she’d rile at it.

“She didn’t enjoy the fight like us,” Ren admitted. “There were few things that she would let herself rise to. Particularly, she didn’t like the road I chose over the one Bee had set out for her. She knew I was a skilled dancer, that I could be successful at it, and for her,” Ren said, remembering Poe’s smile at the young kids playing football in the street of her foster home. “She didn’t understand why I would throw that away or why I was always angry with my family.”

Those arguments hadn’t been fun and had only fueled Bee’s desire to leave Skywalker’s school and all its ties behind as soon as possible. “So, why’d you apply to Yale for your graduates?”

“My mentoring professor at Trinity was a student of Snoke’s. He recommended I study under him as well,” Hux said with deliberate flatness. Well, that explained how Snoke had seemingly magically come up with Hux as an nemesis in three months. If one of Snoke’s former students had given Hux an introduction, it must have been a pretty good one. Ren wondered if she regretting taking her mentor’s suggestion about coming

“But you haven’t tried anything more serious? Till now?” Hux clarified. It seemed a bit of a waste of an assumption.

“No, I haven’t felt compelled to try,” Ren said, appreciating Hux’s distinction and letting her have more than she would have given Ren if the question were reversed. “What’s your favorite color?”

“Red,” Hux replied giving Ren a vaguely suspicious look no doubt for so benign a question.

“You hardly ever wear it.”

“It’s an accent color,” Hux dismissed. “Do you actually think you’ll ever be able to put your sword training to use?”

“I train in judo too, you know,” Ren said. Hux liked mocking for spending so much of her admittedly limited spare time to master an archaic form of combat. This was a well rehearsed dance.

“A gun is more practical than a sword,” Hux said driving the conversation back on point.

“Oh and you’re the expert,” Ren huffed a laugh.

“I have a license,” Hux said, not the least bit defensive.

“For what? Shooting quail?”

“Deer, actually.”

“Well,” Ren began trying not to let on that she was mildly impressed, “I’m not sure how it is over in Ireland, but you’ll get a bit ostracized if you’re seen carrying around a rifle here. Particularly if you use it to settle grievances.”

“Because clearly that was what I was insinuating,” Hux rolled her eyes. “Well, come on: who do you think will challenge you to a duel?

“I’ll have you know that I could defend your honor with my skills,” Ren smirked. Hux rolled her eyes.

“Yes, because I have a penchant for fencing champions,” Hux answered dryly. Ren grimaced.  
   
“It helps me unwind and release pent up aggression in a ... more acceptable way,” Ren explained. It was her turn again. She had hesitated to ask the question that was currently on her lips for the most obvious reason. Ren didn’t think she was getting too ahead of herself in wondering what their future was. “Are you planning on going back to Ireland after your PhD?”

“I could,” Hux let out a sort of mirthless chuckle. “But there’s not really a demand for the kind of work I want to do. If I were based out of London, it would be a boon, but Dublin doesn’t really need what I’ll be offering. There’s not as much hidden opportunities like there are here. Plus most career tracts rely on their own networks, which have been in place decades already.”

“Does that mean I get to keep you after graduation?”

“Oh ha ha. While _I_ might stay in the tri-state area, but have you even started scouting labs that will take your tantrums yet?” Hux brushed off. “That seems like a pretty big qualification in a new hire, if you ask me.”

“I could be your Guinea pig,” Ren suggested, eyebrows wriggling suggestively. Hux raised her own eyebrows.

“It is this exact reason I want to work for myself rather than in a pre-established firm. As an entrepreneur, I can decline cases that are clearly more trouble than they are worth.”

“You wound me,” Ren said, snide.

“I would consider the offer more seriously if it wasn’t like Snoke didn’t already have your next step already planned for you,” Hux admitted. “What is it, pray tell?”

“We’ve spoken about it some,” Ren replied carefully. “I’m sure he has his top picks, but it’s still a ways off... Actually, I’d be open to competing offers,” Ren smirked, eyeing Hux. Hux, however, wasn’t so impressed with Ren’s magnanimity.

“And I’m sure you’d have quite a few, _if_ you put your self on the open market, but we both know you’ll take whatever position he’ll set up for you.”

Ren felt her smile drop. The way Hux had said that made it sound like she thought accepting Snoke’s guidance was a bad thing. That’s precisely what Hux thought though, as Ren remembered that hushed phone conversation over four months ago. Hux urging her to be careful.

But careful wasn’t in Ren’s DNA and Hux could be paranoid from time to time. Ren might try and convince her but Hux wouldn’t waver. Not until her assumptions were proven false. Since Ren had no concrete facts about what had happened between Hux and Snoke, as neither were willing to talk about it, Ren couldn’t give Hux evidence to the contrary. They were at an impasse.

It seemed that Hux had reached the same conclusion because she fished out her wallet, asking, “Shall we get the check?”

Ren nodded. It was probably time to call it a night. 


	7. Insight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I've lost the will to want more, I'm not afraid not at all._

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

“My parents want to take me out to dinner to celebrate my birthday,” Ren said to Hux’s bathroom mirror. She could hear Hux moving around in the closet. She was in the middle of the second part of her morning routine, the part after her morning run. Ren was intimately familiar with it and the parts of it that needed to be cut if she was able to convince Hux to indulge in a little morning delight. 

Today had not been one of those days, but then practically moving in with Hux had afforded Ren to notice a lot of little things in the past two years they’d been officially dating. Ren had her own key to Hux’s flat and everything. 

It had been a late one year anniversary present. Apparently, Hux had been chewed out by Phasma when she had asked her what she and Ren had done to celebrate and Hux had told her she’d been in Arlington. In all fairness, Ren had also been on a three day lab bender, so it wasn’t like she’d been cooking in the kitchen all day just waiting for Hux to walk through the door. 

Ren figured Hux probably only gave Ren her extra key because she was tired of Ren pestering her over when she’d be home, if she could buzz her up, what was for dinner. Ren had being annoying down to a science. At least, she did when she was trying to rile Hux.

Hux reappeared in the mirror in a crisp sage button down and slim Herringbone suit. The hazel tweed of it complimented her eyes and fiery hair.

“Why are you telling me?” Hux asked, nudging Ren out of the way to get at the mirror and her hair gel. 

Ren was struck by the familiar urge to _distract_ Hux for just long enough that she would be late if she actually tried to do her hair like normal. So Hux would have to walk around with her hair all loose and floofy. Hux always looked good but there was something about the contrast of slightly ruffled hair with her sharp suits that really got Ren. 

“Well?” Hux prompted, already working some gel in. _Too late_.

“Well...” Ren said, watching Hux pick up the com. “They’ve invited you as well.”

Hux paused at that, “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Ren swallowed. “I said I’d ask you.”

“When is this?”

“They seemed to think we’d be partying the night of and figured you’d want to have dinner just us. They suggested the night before.”

“How thoughtful of them,” Hux said faintly. She had gone back to styling her hair, but Ren could read the suspicion in her tone. Ren didn’t say anything, for some reason holding her breath for Hux’s actual reply. Minutes passed and Hux was being overly fastidious with her part, more than usual, even for her. It was suddenly apparent that Hux didn’t intend to give Ren an answer, didn’t even expect her to need one because her parents’ request is so ridiculous.

“Look, I’ll tell them you already have plans. Dinner at Phasma’s or-” Ren rushed out, not sure why she felt so disappointed when she had anticipated this outcome. 

Hux turned around, pinning Ren with her gaze. “Do _you_ want me to go?”

Ren shifted, unnerved, and scrambled for something less incriminating than a straight out ‘of course.’ “It would be less painful if you were there, yes,”

Hux didn’t even bother to cover her skepticism.

“Look like I said, I’ll just tell them that you’re busy. Which you are.”

“No, I’ll go,” Hux said. Ren waited for it. There was no way Hux would concede to an evening of torture so easily. “ _But_ I get to pick your outfit.”

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

“Well, if it isn’t Mrs. and Mrs. Hux!” Han greeted dryly, standing as the hostess brought her and Hux into view of the Organa-Solo’s table. 

“As entertaining as this charade is,” Hux spoke into Ren’s ear as they crossed the rest of the restaurant. “You did tell them we aren’t actually married, right?”

“Course,” Ren muttered, as they pulled out the chairs opposite her parents. “He’s just being an ass.”

“Y’know, I still have no idea what you’re name is....” Han trails off peering over at Hux curious, after everyone had sat down.

“That’s because she doesn’t use it,” Ren stated 

“It’s good to see you again, Andromeda,” Leia greeted to Hux.

“Andromeda?” Han parrotted, face contorting oddly. Then he turned to Leia and whispered, albeit loudly “Maybe they are meant for each other? With such weird names.”

Ren wanted to shove her face in her hands. Why? Why had she agreed to this?

“If that’s your criteria-” Leia started.

“I’d prefer to go by just Hux.”

“Little wonder why,” Han muttered, taking the cloth napkin from his plate and settling in his lap. Ren was thankful that it seemed everyone was more suddenly more interested in what was on the menus

“Have you had tapas before, Hux?” Leia asked breezily. 

“No, I can’t say I’m that familiar with them,” Hux said, voice far away as she peered closely at the menu.

“Oh?”

“I don’t try new restaurants all that often,” Hux admitted. 

“Really? Bee loves Spanish food,” Leia said, smiling. “It was her favorite part of when we were in Spain.”

“That’s because it was so fucking hot,” Ren grumbled.

“Hey-” Han said.

“Kylo and I don’t eat out much,” Hux cut in. 

“We get take out though,” Ren added, decidedly not giving Hux a funny look for actually calling her by her first name. “Hux likes bringing Thai home.”

Ren tried not to feel too triumphant that Leia looks taken aback at the way Ren had said ‘home.’ It’s only momentarily, though, Ren finds as Leia opens her mouth to, no doubt, comment on just that. 

“Hello, my name is Marc and I’ll be your server tonight,” said the man who Ren considered their savior. “Can I start you off with anything to drink tonight?”

“A pitcher of sangria, please,” Leia answered, before turning to the rest of the table. “The here sangria is just divine.” 

“Red or white?”

“White would be lovely.”

“Hux likes red,” Ren stated. Leia blinked over at her and then over to Hux. Ren also turned to Hux as well. 

If it were just the two of them, Hux _would_ have said something. Ren knows it. But this Hux was some polite version of herself, too courteous to say anything about so trivial in mixed company. Hux who, just as Ren had told her mother months ago, had manners and knew she was a guest. Hux who was being decidedly unaffected by this disaster of an evening so far. Ren didn’t like this demur façade Hux could just sink into. It had taken her so long to work her way under it and to get Hux to be genuine. Ren wanted her Hux back. Needed her to be more barbed toward Ren’s parents. 

“I do prefer red,” Hux said. “It would go better with what I was planning on ordering.”

“Well, white would go better with fish,” Leia said. “And I know how much Bee likes yellowtail.”

Ren is glad that the menu was such a quick read, because it allowed her to jump in and win a point against Leia, while simultaneously ordering. The shorter this dinner was, the better.

“Actually, I was thinking of trying the Andalusian sausage,” Ren said, trying to channel Hux’s blasé attitude. Leia had the ability to get under her skin like no one else. It wasn’t enjoyable in the slightest. 

“Well,” Marc starts, attempting to defuse some of the tension Ren had created. “You could order a half pitcher of red and one of white. Then if you wanted to get the fish...”

“...That sounds wonderful,” Leia said, a bit more strained then she looked.

“So, if you’re all set to order, I can put that in as well. Miss, you wanted the sausage, and for you?” Marc asked, turning to Hux.

“Pulpo a la Gallega, please.”’

“Excellent choice,” Marc turned to Leia. “And are you wanting the fish still?”

“How’s your Vieiras con Romesco?”

“Superb,” Marc assured. “They’re wild and freshly caught yesterday. so tender. Actually if we have any left tonight, that’s gonna be my dinner too.”

“Yes, I’ll try that.”

“And for you sir?”

“I’ll take your mussels.”

“Excellent choice as well, sir,” Marc said, taking their menus. “I’ll put that in with the kitchen and be back with your sangrias.”

“Thank you,” Leia said. 

“So Hux, you’re earning a doctorate in sociology, am I right?” Han asked, monopolizing the thread of the conversation before Leia could. Mercifully, it was with something relatively benign. For the moment. 

“Yes,” Hux said.

“Now, what are you planning on doing with that? Go into research, like Bee here?”

“Actually, I am going to start my own consulting firm. Finding people with certain skill sets jobs where they can utilize them to their fullest potential.”

“A headhunter,” Han provided.

“Exactly,” Hux said sounding pleased. 

Han looked relatively impressed. Leia, however, was looking at Hux more shrewdly. 

“So this...” Leia interjected, leaning forward. “Contract you have with the DoD, is what? Training wheels? It’s basically taking all the searching out of your career choice. You’re literally trying to brainwash these kids with the right skills for the job- which just happens to be killing people!”

And there it was. 

Ren was actually surprised it took Leia until after they had ordered for her to bring this up. 

Everything was falling into place. That was the only reason why Leia would deign to allow Hux to attend Ren’s birthday dinner with them. Ever since her parents had walked into that hospital room and found that it was Hux who was Ren’s emergency contact, Leia had been increasingly inquisitive about Ren’s girlfriend. Her mother hadn’t particularly cared before, but now she had been trying to arrange a lunch or a weekend in the city for months. Ren had stonewalled her every time, simply because she hadn’t wanted to see them. But if she had known that this was the reason, she wouldn’t have even let Leia have tonight. 

“The project is classified, general,” Hux said with a ‘you know that’ hanging off the end of her sentence, her tone unimpressed at Leia’s attempt to rile.

“Of course, but we all know the basics. I’ve discussed the monstrosity with Han. He still has clearance from back when he was with the agency,” Leia pointed out. “It’s not like Bee here doesn’t already know all the gory details.”

“How do you know that?” Ren grumbles.

“Rey,” Han supplied. Ren huffed out a frustrated sigh. Next to her, Hux’s face was back to its cold mask. 

“I’m just curious,” Leia continued. “It goes through the final round of approval at the end of the month, before the start of the testing phase and I want to have something that I can shoot it down with.”

“I swear,” Ren said, leaning forward to glare at her mother. “If you pursue this topic, I am leaving and I’m taking Hux with me.”

“Fine, fine,” Organa huffed, taking a bite of her scallops. 

The conversation lapsed into mundanity until after the tapas arrived. Han mentioned that Rey had moved into a new place in the city with Finn and Ren jumped on inquiring further, even though she had spoken to Rey just before she moved. Han gave his impressions of the loft’s location and safe topics came haltingly through the rest of the meal. It wasn’t until the tapas plates are cleared that Leia resumed her inquisition.

“So, Hux how does Snoke like you working on two projects as big as you have at once?” Leia asked. Hux shifted, which was the only indication she gave that she was uncomfortable with the subject change. 

“I don’t think he cares much,” she answered blithely. Ren has to hold back a snort, because _really_. 

“Really?” Leia pressed. “My professors always seemed to think that their class, their project was the only one I was working on at any given moment - even if I did have five of those teachers and so did every other student in that class,” her lips twisted a bit sardonic. “I can only imagine how that might be magnified for an advisor on something like a doctoral dissertation.”

“Then you’d do better to ask after Professor Vekkian’s opinion of it. _She_ is my thesis advisor.”

“Not Snoke?” Han asked, befuddled.

“Hold that thought,” Leia said to Han, turning back to Hux. “Vekkian? Misha Vekkian? She’s still there?”

“Afraid so,” Hux said with a wicked smile.

“I’m pretty sure she was sixty when I took a course with her. That was near twenty years ago!”

“More like thirty now,” Han butted in. 

“Wow and oh was she mean!” Leia recalled. “Has she become more lenient with age?”

“I don’t think so.”

“She was tough. Nobody in my class got over a B, I swear, and she had a few talented undergrads that term. She was actually a bit cruel,” Leia remembered and then her expression shifted as if a thought just struck her, “Maybe that’s why you were drawn to her.”

Ren stiffened.

“...Probably,” Hux agreed, blithely. She seemed to pick up on Ren’s discomfort though, because Hux slid her hand onto her thigh, in what was likely a soothing gesture. Hux trying for soothing was strange. Ren had to admit: it was working. “But she’s also happens to be the most respected sociologist at Yale...if not the East Coast, in general.”

“Still, I can’t believe you aren’t under Snoke anymore,” Leia smirked. “I’m surprised he’d cut someone as driven as you.”

“ _I_ left his guidance, actually.”

“Hmmm, oh really? Why would you do that?”

“She’s not going to tell you,” Ren scoffed, interjecting before Hux was forced to reply. “In fact, it’s getting rather late and you two still have to drive back to the city, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but they haven’t even brought out your dessert!” Han protested. “And we haven’t given you your gift either!”

“Oh, the dinner alone wasn’t the gift?” Ren inquired, bitterly sardonic. “Really? Because the delight of your company is always such a treat.”

Han frowned, looking like he was about to say something, but Leia beat him to it. 

“All I was trying to get at, is if Hux here felt like Snoke wasn’t helping her succeed to her fullest potential; maybe there’s something to that-”

“She’s in a completely different specialty from me!” Ren interrupted.

“There’s no need to get defensive,” Leia said, sounding more put out than she had any right to trying to pull this shit at what was supposed to be Ren’s birthday dinner. Ren didn’t know why she had expected anything different. She really shouldn’t have. Leia had always been like this. Yet Ren had fallen for it again and had dragged Hux into it this time and Leia had gone after her just as viciously. Ren felt foolish.

“No, this has been quite enough for one evening,” Ren said standing. “You two please enjoy the dessert and return whatever it is you got me. Dinner will suffice as a gift. I don’t feel right accepting something from people who don’t support my life choices.”

Ren was so angry that Leia’s slack jaw didn’t even feel like a win. She took Hux’s hand and began to led the way towards the door, weaving her way through the other tables.

“Bee, come on!” her father called after her, but Ren kept walking.

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

“Your mother is horrible,” Hux said so emphatically Ren wondered if their dislike of her was matched. She slammed the lights on and marched straight into the closet, shedding her coat on the way. Ren shucked her own coat over the back of the sofa.

“You’re telling me?” Ren asked, emptying her pockets into the little bowl Hux had on the counter by the door. It was an aqua and black ceramic affair that appeared a few months into the dating portion of their relationship, for Ren when she started coming over more. Mainly, so Hux didn’t have to deal with her ‘crap spilling everywhere.’ 

“It’s one thing to force you into their cross examination...you’re family, after all,” Hux continued from the closet, probably hanging up her coat and slacks, throwing her blouse in the hamper. Tidying away her shoes and wallet it their proper places. Hux had a set order to her nightly routine, by which she strictly abided.

It was best for Ren’s sex life if she just let Hux do her thing. Ren didn’t care where her own clothes end up, much to Hux’s annoyance, and so she just tossed her slacks over the back of the couch and her shirt on the floor, before she looked up to chance a glimpse of a half naked Hux crossing from the closet to the bathroom through the narrow doorway.

“I know,” Ren groaned in a slightly louder pitch to be heard over the sound of running water. She made her way to the bathroom. “I can’t apologize for her enough.”

“You could at least try,” Hux said glaring at Ren through the mirror as she applied toothpaste to her toothbrush.

“I am truly sorry,” Ren said, thrusting her own brush at Hux for some toothpaste. “But it’s not like you haven’t met her before.” Hux frowned, but relented dabbing some on the bristles. 

“Yeah, and you offered to get me out of it. I know,” Hux said testily, setting down the tube and started brushing her teeth.

“Exactly,” Ren said spitting. She rinsed out her mouth. She kissed Hux on the temple before swanning out of the bathroom, sighing, “I’m such a nice girlfriend.”

Ren climbed into bed, settling the covers and adjusting her pillow. The lights went off in the bathroom and Hux appeared moments later.

“I swear to god,” Hux said, cranking her window open with more ferocity than necessary and then crawling into bed. “If she blocks my program in the Pentagon....”

Hux climbed on top of Ren with none of her usual finesse. She bore her weight down on Ren’s propped up thigh, trying to get some friction. Her own thigh pushing in between Ren’s legs. Ren grabbed her neck pulling her down for kiss. 

“At _this_ stage,” Hux said as they broke for breath. Ren’s hands travelled the curve of Hux’s back, coming to rest on her ass. She digs her fingers into it, gripping the insubstantial meat there and adding to Hux’s pressure as she kept rutting on Ren’s thigh. Hux’s fingers found the hem of Ren’s tee shirt and rucked it up a bit.

“I _will_ cart you off to Vegas and we. Will. Elope,” Hux said into Ren’s neck, punctuating each word with a nip of teeth “For. Rrrrrrrrrreal,” Hux said, rolling her ‘r’ in the way she knew got Ren hot and bothered. And if Hux had said literally anything else, Ren might have been unbearably aroused. As it was all she could hear was Hux’s voice on a loop in her head telling her they would elope.

“-Just to piss them _off_ ,” Hux said, pulling on Ren’s shirt again, like she wanted it off. Ren tried to get her limbs to cooperate with Hux’s intentions. It’s a valiant attempt with how distracted she’d become. 

“It’d serve her right,” Hux continued, but Ren couldn’t really pay attention and certainly not in the way Hux had intended. It was almost like her brain was running at two speeds at once. Logically, she knew that Hux wasn’t really proposing to her. 

But at the same time, Hux had said it. She probably meant it too, even if only as revenge against Ren’s mother for destroying her work. Still Ren couldn’t get the idea of them getting married and actually meaning it out of her head. Ren hadn’t realized how desperately she had wanted that until just then. She hadn’t realized why she hadn’t planned beyond graduation, because she might lose Hux. 

But if they were married, they’d have to stay together, Ren figured. Hux would _have_ to stay with Ren then. She couldn’t just go back to Dublin. She’d be obligated to move her business to whatever city the lab that hired Ren was in. It’d be her and Hux for the rest of everything. She could see it. Ren violently wanted Hux like that. 

“Alright,” Ren breathed into Hux’s neck, unable to tamp down on the desire to have just that. 

“What?” Hux said distractedly, taking Ren’s left nipple in her mouth. 

“I’ll elope with you,” Ren said, haltingly. “If Organa fucks up your trooper program.”

“ _What_ ,” Hux repeated, immediately drawing back. The air between them that had moments ago been filled with collusive lust shifted instantly to something a great deal more frigid. Ren could _feel_ Hux’s eyes boring into her. 

“...It’s not like I want to sleep with anyone else,” Ren shrugged, trying to shrug off the feeling that she had massively fucked up. Hux didn’t move and neither did her gaze lessen.

“So all this time I thought you were just lazy, but it turns out you were in love with me,” Hux said in a matter of fact tone. Ren couldn’t read what she really thought of that statement beyond that she believed the assessment correct. 

Ren could deny it, but she’d come to the same conclusion a long time ago. She had been hoping that Hux would continue to not notice.The way Hux was looking at her now, arguing the point would be useless. 

Hux watched her for several more seconds before she hummed and turned away.

“Hux, I-” Ren frowned at Hux’s back, unsure of how she could back peddle.

“I don’t feel like it any more, Ren,” Hux said. “Don’t worry about it.”

That was hardly reassuring. Hux was horrible. Now there was nothing for Ren to do _but_ worry about it.

Hux’s breath had evened out, but Ren could tell she wasn’t sleeping. Ren knew she wasn’t going to be able to sleep until they reached some sort of consensus, so she spoke into the din of the room. 

“Nothing’s changed.” Hux didn’t say anything. She didn’t even so much as move. 

“I mean,” Ren pauses realizing that perhaps she shouldn’t have brought up that perspective. “I felt that before and you were still - whatever. Literally nothing has changed.”

Ren was lying. Hux realizing her actual feelings had the potential to change everything. But maybe if Ren pretended like it didn’t matter, it wouldn’t.

“Maybe not,” Hux finally said. “but you want it to.”

“I didn’t say that-”

“Oh shut up, Ren. I want to sleep.”  
“Didn’t it cross your mind after the rainstorm?” Ren asked. She found that exceedingly hard to believe with how analytical and anti-social Hux was.

“I hadn’t thought much of it,” Hux said toneless. That, Ren could tell, was a lie. 

“Why does this make you so uncomfortable?” Ren demanded, sitting up. 

“You feel whatever you feel, Ren. I’m only _uncomfortable_ because you want to _talk_ about it,” Hux snapped, twisting around in the sheets to face her. “So can we go to sleep now?”

“Fine,” Ren said laying back down. Hux followed suit, if more stiff about it. Ren scooted over to her and wrapped an arm around her middle, letting Hux resettle before speaking again. “You don’t want to talk about it? Fine, you don’t have to say anything. But I think you just don’t want to examine your own feelings on this because you think you’ll ... probably feel the same way.”

This would be it. Ren had taken a gamble. Hux wasn’t the type to over-analyze her feelings, but she also wasn’t the type to allow Ren to drag her in a relationship if she wasn’t directly benefiting from it. If Hux didn’t feel something more than mere tolerance towards Ren, then all she was getting out of this was sex...which for Hux wasn’t saying much. Not that Ren didn’t think that their sex wasn’t amazing. But something told her, Hux wouldn’t inconvenience herself in that way for it. Ren could be wrong, but it didn’t add up. 

“Shut up, Ren.”


	8. Candidate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I tried to get to you. You treat me like this._

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

“And here I thought you let me have the worst of it,” Hux said into the silence left after the electron diffraction tube Ren had thrown shattered against the wall. Ren whirled around, completely caught off guard by the presence of another person in the room with her. 

“What are you doing here? Ren demanded. 

“I wonder,” Hux deadpanned, looking pointedly around the destruction Ren had already wrecked on the lab. 

“No, seriously. This lab is locked. You shouldn’t have been able to get in,” Ren said managing not to growl at Hux, but only just. “How’d you even get in this building?”

“Snoke adjusted my access for that lab socialization observation first year, as I’m sure you remember.”

Ren scowled, remembering her only own annoyance at finding Hux swanning around the Wright Lab, like she was supposed to be there, in the one place on campus Ren actually thought she should be able to escape her. 

“I’ll have to remind Snoke he forgot to revoke it then.”

“You do that,” Hux said, imperious as always. It had come to near blows those first few months in the cohort. Ren had forgotten what it was like to just want to deck Hux with her fist and not her mouth.

“So what do you want?”

“Oh yes, sorry to interrupt your fit, but did you know that you can hear your tantrums three labs down?”

Ren stared at her. “ _So?_ ”

“I have been nominated by the other physics students in your cohort to try and talk you out of this ... flagrant destruction of property.”

Ren scoffs. How dare they call Hux, who doesn’t even have anything to do with them any more, instead of speaking to her themselves. Ren knew she intimidated them to some extent, but did they actually fear her? Enough for them to be worried about their own safety. Clearly they weren’t worried enough since they felt could ask Hux to do it for them, no problem.

Cowards.

“You do realize that if he wasn’t the chair and you weren’t his favorite they would have been kicked out of the program the first time you did that.”

“ _Hux_ ,” Ren groaned.

“What seems to be the issue?”

“This experiment keeps failing me,” Ren admitted after staring at Hux, still confused why _they_ were having this conversation. “And I can’t get in touch with Snoke.”

“What does getting in touch with snoke have to do with anything?

“He would be able to tell me where I’m going wrong...”

“Hurm well you’re not going to be able to lean on him forever. Certainly not when you’re in a real lab,” Hux said crossing her arms and fixing Ren with a serious look. “What would he tell you to do? Think like he would.”

“That’s what I’ve _already_ tried.”

“You rely on him too heavily,” Hux said shaking her head, eyes on the floor. 

“He told me you’d say that.”

Hux turned to face Ren entirely then, eyes wide and murderous. “And why would he be worried what _I_ think of _him?_ ”

Ren shrugged.

“He’s manipulating you...” Hux concluded.

“Ugh, you sound just like my mother,” Ren said, disgusted and suddenly exhausted.

“Oh, well,” Hux exhaled, her derision skyrocketing. “Contrary to what you’d like to believe, Ren: your mother is a pretty intelligent woman. Isn’t it peculiar that multiple people in your life are telling you he’s not your lord and savior?”

She had to bite her tongue to stop her knee jerk retaliatory shout of how she didn’t think he was. Ren _had_ been doing better managing her anger, but it had just been the mounting of things not working that had unspooled her carefully wound anger. And to top it all off was that look of disparagement mixed with pity Hux was giving her then, was just what she didn’t need. Especially from Hux of all people. 

The coppery taste of blood from her tongue mixed with her saliva, pooling in her mouth until she had to swallow. Something in her deflates. They didn’t talk about Snoke. Sure, Ren knew that Hux had lost respect for Snoke. That much was obvious. She wouldn’t have left the First Order if she hadn’t. But she’d never gone into detail. If Hux would just tell her what Snoke had done; what Hux _thought_ Snoke had done, then maybe she’d be more willing to see a different perspective. 

“What happened?” Ren demanded. “It’s been two years now and you still won’t tell me what happened between the two of you. What do you think he did that-”

_~Da-da-da-duh-da-da-duh-da-da-duh~_

Ren’s phone continued its anthem as it vibrated against the counter. Hux continued to glare at her, as if daring her to ignore the call. Ren was still just pissed off enough to march over to the counter it was vibrating on and look at the caller ID. She let out a breath she’d been holding. As much as Ren would like to cross-examine Hux on her feelings towards Snoke, Ren told herself that her work took precedence. Hux expected it from her, had certainly done it in the past, and was extremely unlikely to give Ren a straight answer about her beef with Snoke.

“It’s Snoke.”

“I hope he gives you all your answers,” Hux sneered before flouncing out of the lab.

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

Snoke does give Ren her answers, but he is wildly unimpressed by her problem. Perhaps it was just that he was annoyed she had called him so many times within the span of three hours, but he was testier than she had ever heard him. He references a theory Ren had only read of in passing, probably twice, in some elective reading material. It was something he had never gone over with her before. Something he had never mentioned she look into and yet the way he spoke of it to her made Ren think it was something she had completely spaced over in a fresher physics 101 lecture. (It wasn’t.)

The next few days consisted of tracking down the book herself, reading it, adjusting and then conducting her experiments in light of the new information. 

It had been radio silence from Hux since their shouting match in the lab. That wasn’t anything particularly new for them, their thing had always come in fits and bursts. Still Ren had missed the lunches she and Hux would sometimes share if she could eek out the time to get something and bring it by the lab. It was surprisingly easy to pull Ren away from her work to eat if she didn’t have to leave the building to get the food. Instead, Ren had to survive off of the lobby vending machine passed off as food and a couple of packages of restorative athletics enhancing jelly beans Phasma had given to her months ago and which had laid neglected in her bag ever since. 

Stepping out into the sunlight in front of the Wright Lab for the first time in days, Ren pulled out her phone. All she wanted at the moment was to crawl into Hux’s bed and maybe get some take out later. But they had fought.

They both been wrong. Despite having Ren’s best interests in mind, Hux was mistaken about Snoke. She was only trying to help. And Ren had been too frustrated by her failure and then Hux’s critique of Snoke to ... she didn’t know exactly, but somehow that didn’t stop her from feeling guilty for being so short with Hux. Ren texted her.

_can i come over?_

Hux’s reply was near instantaneous. 

_Oh, asking now are we?_

_there wouldn’t be much point if you weren’t home_

_Yeah. I’m here._

Ren let out a breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding. She pushed herself off the brick building

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

“Did you come here to talk about it?” Hux asked when Ren’s shut the door behind her. She hasn’t moved far into the large room and so neither can Ren. Almost like she isn’t sure she wants to let Ren into her inner sanctum again, and yet forced by the nature of her studio apartment to do just that. 

“No,” Ren said.

“Good,” Hux sounded pleased that they are on the same page and she wasted no time in slamming their bodies together.


	9. Shadowplay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I was moving through the silence without motion, waiting for you._

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

It was that time in the semester for midterms. Hux was glad taking such exams was behind her, but knew that midterms and finals were necessary evils. Particularly for her Monday, Wednesday, Friday SOC365 7:30am, which saw quite a number of students dozing off. Hux knew how undesirable the course was not only among the students, but also in the department. Yet she took it every term. It was a methods course and dry as fuck. But that meant that Hux had it down to a science and could probably teach it in her sleep. She got it out of the way each morning and that was one less course she had to work to teach and that would take away from the time she needed for her own research.

Hux glanced up from her reading to survey her classroom full of students scribbling their answers down. No hands raised, though there were several students looking up at the ceiling as if the answers would magically appear there. Hux turned back to her own reading.

Ren hadn’t slept over at Hux’s in a few days; which as she had practically moved in, meant that she had relegated herself to the lab. Making Ren the exception to her one night stand rule and then later her dating one as well, had only served to make the girl more insufferable. If Hux gave her an inch, she would take a mile and then another for good measure and just to make Hux catch up with _her_. But Hux, oddly, found she didn’t really mind.

Hux knew she was trying to solve something that was vital to proving her hypothesis. Ren going on a lab bender was nothing new. In fact, she did this anytime she was close to a breakthrough. The last puzzle piece or so Ren had called it when they had lunch together two days previous. Hux could hardly blame her for showing a little enthusiasm so near the end of her research.

She was barely a third of the way through proctoring the test when she got a text from Ren. 

_Can I call you now_

_No, I’m watching freshers take an exam.  
What is it?_

_Oh I found the correct frequency to detect dark matter axions in the ADMX ;]_

Hux inhaled sharply. Belatedly, she realized that her loud sudden intake of breath had caused most of the students in the front two row to look up at her in curiosity. Hux glared at them till they turned back to their exams. Then she turned back to her phone.

 _You just caused me to distract my students from their tests._  


_I won’t apologize for being awesome :)_

_Ren, this is huge!_ _I knew you’d do it!!!_  
_I want to congratulate you in person._

_I’m looking forward to that_

_I still have another hour here._

_that’s fine_  
_I need to talk to snoke_  
_idk how long that will take_

_Text me when you’re done?_

_sounds good_

Hux sat back, surveying the undergrads bubbling in their scantrons and responding to the essay questions, feeling immensely proud. It was shaping up to be a pretty good day and it had barely begun.

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

Hux relocated to the faculty lounge in one of the Silliman College buildings to wait for Ren’s text. She could have just gone home, but Hux didn’t see the point in that if they were both on campus still. Besides, who was to say Ren wanted to celebrate there anyway? So Hux started grading those midterms, idly wondering what the fuck Snoke could possibly being saying to Ren that could take so long. 

Hours later and after she had made her way through a surprising sixty percent of the tests, Hux’s phone started vibrating on the table in front of her with an unknown number. Probably one of the students who have just bombed the test. Hux doesn’t want to be on the phone with some nincompoop who didn’t study enough when Ren texts her, but this was her job after all. Sighing, she accepted the call. 

“This is Hux.”

“Uh, hey, this is Rey... Kylo’s cousin.”

“Oh, right, of course,” Hux said. While Rey was the only member of Ren’s family that she spoke of with any fondness, Hux had only met Rey once before, when Ren had taken her into the city to see Rey’s first performances at Lincoln Center. She had just been hired on as a permanent member of the New York City Ballet company. Their rendition of _Les Noces_ was simply stunning and she told Rey that during dinner after. “...Is everything alright?”

“Sort of? Kylo’s not been hurt, physically. Well, she might be a bit bruised, but nothing like the car accident-” Rey rushes to get out.

“Rey,” Hux interrupted. “What. Happened?”

“Sorry,” the other woman took a deep breath. “I just had to bail her out of jail. She been charged with assault, destruction of property, and trespassing.”

“ _Why?_ ”

“It seems, from what Kylo has told me, which hasn’t been much,” Rey said and Hux could the faint closing of a a door before she continued. “that Snoke has taken her research and began passing it off as his own-”

For several seconds, Hux’s vision went fuzzy and she actually couldn’t process what Rey was saying even though Hux could still hear her talking. As a young girl, Hux had been forced to learn how to set aside her own emotions to respond on a purely rational level. The military academy hadn’t been demeaning in itself aside from the mindless repetition, but having her mother be the commandant of the school did nothing to bolster her popularity with the other students. They bullied her. All the usual insults, including the time honored mocking her slighter frame and insinuating she was only at the top of the class because her mother put her there. Hux had learned how to set aside her own anger in the face of to do what was expected of her by her mother. 

This was no different. Hux couldn’t _let this_ be any different.

Hux inhaled, holding the air for four seconds, and then exhaled for seven. Releasing as much tension as she could. Hux repeated the process again and felt slightly more herself.

“Sorry, Rey. Could you say that again?” Hux said, voice curiously flat.

“He’s just published an article and is now on his way to some conference tonight to present a keynote on it,” Rey repeated.

Absolutely despising Snoke didn’t mean Hux still didn’t keep her ear to the ground on things concerning him. So while she wasn’t exactly bewildered Snoke would try to steal Ren’s work, she was surprised that he was presenting keynote at a conference already. Snoke was vain. He needed deference to be given to him, even when it wasn’t always due. Hux was willing to bet going to that conference must have been a spur of the moment decision.

“Kylo went to his house. Confronted him. Snoke called the cops. Let’s say Kylo didn’t go quietly.”

“How is she?”

“Quiet and oddly resigned. Not good.”

“Hurm,” Hux considered. That didn’t sound like Ren at all. _What had Snoke done to her?_ “I’ll come and get her. If you don’t mind. “

“I think you should,” Rey said. “I’ll text the details.”

“Rey, uh one last thing,” Hux began, uncharacteristically hesitant. “No offense, but do you know why she called you to bail her out?”

There was silence on the other end. 

“I mean, I’m her emergency contact and bailing her out-” Hux grasped out, floundering for a reason why she was so thrown by Ren’s sudden reliance on her _family_. Family that didn’t even live in the same city.

“Kylo and I share a trust fund, organized in our grandfather’s will,” Rey explained. “So that’s why she called me, because I could get the money out. It’s certainly not that she doesn’t want to see you.” Hux could understand Ren not wanting to be beholden to anyone, even Hux, but contacting Rey would open her up to Ren’s parents finding out. 

“But you’re going to tell her parents, aren’t you?” Hux asked. Rey sighed.

“They deserve to know. I get that Kylo isn’t on the best terms with them, but Uncle Han and Aunt Leia still really love her and ...

“Can you-” Hux started, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Can you just hold off on telling them for a few days? Please? If I know Ren at all, she’ll need that time to try and clear up this mess. We both know she’d prefer to face her parents on more even ground.”

“... I could do that for Kylo,” Rey conceded. “I just hate being in the middle of their drama.”

“I don’t think she means to put you there...” Hux tried lamely.

“No, but it’s how things are,” Rey said sounding bleak and ending the call with: “I’ll send you my address.”

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

Standing on Rey’s doorstep with her Uber idling downstairs, Hux thought it probably would have been smarter to have just tried to borrow Tina’s car. But she had needed to get to Ren as fast as possible and damn the cost. 

Rey answered the door mere moments after Hux rung the bell. 

“Hey,” Rey said, looking anxious. “Kylo is through here.”

She turning to lead Hux into the main living room of that flat. It was nice with clean walls and plush rugs. Rey and her roommate were certainly doing well for themselves. All musings on the profitability of career dancing went right out of Hux’s mind when she saw Ren curled up on Rey’s big teal sofa. 

“Ren,” Hux said.

“Hux,” Ren looked up hopefully and then she was up and moving towards Hux. 

She really did look like shit. Something in Hux ached and burned.

Ren pulled her into a hug. Hux was not in the habit of lying to herself. Lies had their place and she certainly wasn’t against using them to her benefit, she was quite skilled at it actually, but she didn’t lie to herself. 

So when she told herself what she felt toward Kylo Ren couldn’t possibly be _love_ , she had believed it.

“How’d the rest of the test go?” Ren asked, bizarrely. 

“Don’t be _silly_ ,” Hux scoffed, disbelieving. “Are you hurt?”

“A couple bruises-”

“Did he hit you?” Hux demanded, pulling back to get a better look at Ren.

“No, he was cleverer than that,” Ren sighed. “The bruises are from the police. I was just ...resisting arrest, I suppose.”

Hux just tightened her grip. Painfully aware of how deeply her feelings for Ren had grown while she had steadfastly ignored them. It was pathetic. They were pathetic.

“He’s taking my research and claiming it’s his own, _Hux_.”

“It’ll be alright,” Hux assured despite not knowing that was true. but knowing one way or another they were going to make Snoke _pay._

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

“Come on,” Hux ordered, looming over to Ren’s side of the bed. She hasn’t appeared to have moved since Hux had brought her a bagel after her morning run, before she left for her day’s classes. In fact, Ren hasn’t seemed to have moved at all in the past two days. 

When they had first got back, Hux thought Ren was exhausted. She had fallen asleep on the Uber ride home, after all. But the next day she was still laying in bed when Hux got back from classes. Hux made them dinner, coming to the conclusion that she should let Ren process this betrayal in her own way. Hux knew she needed to allow Ren to move through the shock of having someone she trusted betray her like that and on to the rage that Hux was so used to seeing.

So, Hux waited for Ren to get angry. To get up. To do _something_.

But Ren just laid in bed. 

After two days of this, Hux knew she had to take action. Time was of the essence and they had already let Snoke have too much of a head start. Let him have the satisfaction of thinking that he could get away with doing this to Ren. So Hux acted on the plan she’d been idly considering for the past forty-eight hours.

Snoke was horrible, but part of Hux couldn’t help but think that if she had properly warned Ren she could have prevented this from happening. Hux thought she had been admirably compartmentalizing her anger over the last few days, but during her run early that morning, Hux had just let it go. She was furious with herself for not warning Ren better. She had known exactly the kind of toxic self serving bastard Snoke was and yet had all but Ren at his mercy. Hux had let her pride do this to Ren.

Hux had a whole list of reasons why she wouldn’t talk about what had transpired between her and Snoke. They had always seemed valid before. But now standing above the huddled form of the woman who she had incorporated so thoroughly in her life, Hux could no longer agree. She could have bore Ren’s disbelief in her words, if it had made Ren wary of Snoke’s intentions.

“What,” Ren said. It wasn’t a question.

“Get up,” Hux said thrusting a pair of Ren’s skinny black jeans at her.

“Why,” Ren asked, sullen. 

“We’re going for a drive.”


	10. Day of the Lords

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I guess you were right, when we talked in the heat,_
> 
> _There's no room for the weak, no room for the weak._
> 
> _Where will it end?_

 

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

 

Ren had let Hux bundle her into the car she’d borrowed off of Tina and silently drove them North, along the coast. She wasn’t in the mood to argue or fight whatever it was Hux was planning. 

It wasn’t like anything Hux could come up with, even Hux, could get Ren out of this fucking hole she had dug for herself. 

Everything was futile at this point. If Snoke was going to present the findings at a conference the day Ren had her breakthrough, that had to meant he had reached the same conclusion days before her. If he was already prepared to present it at a conference, it would have to mean that. 

He’d sneered his intentions to present her findings as his own before all their peers and the world. When his mask came fully off, Ren saw how disgustingly deceptive he was. His gloating had filled her with such an unspeakable rage. She had exploded. But Ren hadn’t really felt anything since. Sitting alone in the holding cell, she knew dully that she should still be angry. In Rey’s kitchen, that she should feel more distraught. It was like her emotions were on the other side of a pane of glass. Ren supposed she was still in shock.

Logically, Ren could fight it. She had some records of her progress separate from she’d shown Snoke, just by virtue of her fear that something just like this would happen to her. It had killed her grandfather, but Ren had thought she was prepared for such an eventuality. 

Turned out proper record keeping wouldn’t save her research; she hadn’t been fast enough. Because if Snoke presented her findings as his own at that conference in Geneva, even if she was able to prove that she had done the heavy lifting, he had still gotten to the end first. Ren knew history remembered the men who solved the final parts of problems, the those who had solved all the The best she could hope for would be that the theory would be retitled to support both of their names. but there would always be that debate. Her name would always be tied with his. Ren hadn’t cared before, but now the mere idea made her nauseous.

When they finally stop, after three and a half hours of silent driving, Hux has apparently taken her to a scenic look out. 

Hux unbuckles her seat belt but nothing more. Ren figures she better say something. She’d been thinking this whole time  
and despite whatever facade Hux liked to put on, she cared about Ren. She was probably worried for her. She was probably pissed at Ren’s refusal to heed her warnings.

“Go on. You can say it,” Ren said into the now muted quiet of the car. 

“Say what?” Hux asks, not glancing over. Ren sighs. Hux being obstinate is par for the course, but really why’d she have to drag Ren up to nearly fucking Canada when she could have been that way in New Haven. 

“That you told me so. How I should have realized,” Ren exhales. She didn’t want Hux’s condemnation. but she was going to be hearing it enough from her parents when they found out. Might as well get used to it, because if she was being honest, and there wasn’t much point in not trusting her gut anymore, it was Hux’s opinion which who she valued the most, which was just so fucked up, because Hux enjoyed being scathing just as often as she was fair.

“Come on,” Hux said, getting out of the car. 

Ren scrambled out after her. body popping from sitting for so long. She performed a few cursory stretches before joining Hux who’s was now standing at the low stone wall that made up the barrier from the small look out parking lot and the wild brush down the sloped cliff. 

“You see that cliff over there,” Hux asked, directing Ren’s attention to a low peninsula of rocks on the opposite side of the small bay. They couldn’t be more than twenty meters up from the water line. 

“Yeah,” Ren said. They weren’t too sheer, but then actual cliffs were rare in this part of the East coast. 

“There’s some just like it in Ireland,” Hux explains. “Well, there’s a lot of really big cliffs along the West coast of Ireland, but there are some about that height, if a bit taller and those are the ones I’m talking about.”

“I thought you were from Dublin?” Ren blurted out before she can stop her self. Hux would probably be annoyed that she kept interrupting her story. 

“I am, but my mother’s parents lived in Bundoran, a town along the West coast. A bit of a surf capitol, actually.”

Ren tried to imagine Hux surfing. Immediately discounting it as a ridiculous fantasy. Actually trying to imagine her in any sort of beach scenario just seemed absurd. 

“There’s a resort and a golf course. The place is full of tourists and retirees, all of whom like to walk along the cliffs that follow the coast. So there’s this path that runs about ten meters parallel to the cliff’s edge and a fence between them. The fence is pretty easy to jump and there’s grass and some flowers covering the cliff on the other side. It makes for a nice place to sit and watch the surfers on a day with good waves. There isn’t really much to do in the town if you aren’t into surfing or old enough to gamble, so as a kid I would go exploring the cliffs.

“And these old ladies, who would walk along the path, would always call out to me and try to warn me. Just constantly telling me to mind the edge and how I could fall in if I wasn’t careful,” Hux shrugged. “Well, I’d been doing this for years. I was a cautious explorer. I never ran on that side of the fence but more importantly I’d never fallen in. Hadn’t remembered even slipping. And I thought I knew how to navigate those cliffs. 

“Another thing to note about the West coast, is the weather over there changes on a dime. Rains will come through and be gone in twenty minutes. The sun will be out for a bit and then it might hail. So one day, I’m out climbing after lunch the grass is slippery from the rains that had come through earlier that day. But that’s nothing I haven’t traversed before. To this day, I’m entirely sure how I came to be so close to the edge. I remember watching a ship off shore, a small fishing rig and then the sensation of my shoe not being able to find purchase in the wet grass. 

“I slipped and fell just like every single one of those people passing had said,” Hux paused. ren frowned, it wasn’t like she couldn’t have seen where Hux’s story was going from the beginning, but she still didn’t like the idea of Hux getting hurt. 

“I was lucky,” Hux continued. “I hadn’t hit any of the rocks on that way down. And I was further out on the point, so that water was deeper out there, but it really made getting out...difficult. It took several tries, as the rocks were slippery with algae and barnacles. My hands and left knee got cut up pretty good... you can actually still see a scar on my knee.

“Still all said and down that wasn’t as bad as it could have been. All the same, I couldn’t bare the idea of someone asking me why I hadn’t listened. I sat outside shivering on the rocks for at least a good two hours, absolutely drenched, because I couldn’t stand the thought of someone lecturing me. What’s done was done, and I had already faced my consequences, with the lesson nature had just taught me.

“By the time I’d gotten over myself and started walking back to my grandma’s, it had started raining again. It was a bit of a downpour, actually. Which I had thought to be a stroke of luck, as I passed a couple of people who were well on their way to being soaked like I was. Sill, I was still nervous. You could just smell the salt water on me. But I managed to slip inside and into my room without anyone noticing. I changed. Hid the wet clothes where they could dry. Cleaned the wounds. All before dinner. I sat down sure there would be an interrogation, but nobody said anything.

“Nobody said anything about my slight limp or the cuts on my hands. No even asked. Nobody said ‘I told you.’”

“But it didn’t matter, because _I_ knew,” Hux stated. “When my foot slipped, I knew.”

Ren swallowed. Now she knew too. 

“I’m not going to say ‘I told you so,‘ Ren,” Hux said. “I never warned you in the first place.”

“You tried. You may as well have, the phone call, leaving like that, the arguments....”  
 Hux shook her head. “I left for different reasons. I never thought he’d do something like _this_.”

“Still. I knew something was off. I should ha-”

Hux heavy sigh cut Ren off short. Ren knew Hux didn’t want to hear her excuses or should have beens. In a few seconds, she going to tell her that she has no use for them and they won’t help Ren either. She braced herself. 

“You want to know why I left?” Hux asked instead. 

Ren stared at her. Hux had never elaborated on why she’d left the cohort or what had happened between her and Snoke. Ren pieced together that whatever it was, Hux faulted Snoke for it. 

“As I’m sure you’ll remember, I tried to use my DoD project for my dissertation prop and how ... controversial some of the aspects of my experiment were going to be. But I don’t know if you’ll recall how I had asked Snoke, a couple of times actually,” Hux said, her mouth twitching. “If there would be any...ethical backlash, from the board.”

“I- yeah,” Ren said slowly. She only remembered that question, because it had been odd to hear Hux sound so tentative. Normally, when it came to her work she was absolutely confident. “He said no.”

“Exactly,” Hux said. “So I went ahead with it, _blithely_ , presented this controversial research and they flipped. One professor ranted about Milgram was a blight to Yale’s record academic excellence and ‘ethical research.’ They had the gaul to ask me what my morals were. And Snoke just sat there. Denied seeing any of my later drafts. He just sat there and smiled.

“So yes, actually, part of this is on me for not warning you. I-” Hux cut herself off with a sigh. “I didn’t want to tell you. I couldn’t handle that you probably wouldn’t have believe me.”

“Hux-”

“It’s alright. Well, no. It’s not. But I probably wouldn’t have believed me if I were in your place at the time either,” Hux said.   
“You wanted to believe he was on your side and that’s, unfortunately, something I admire about you, Ren,” Hux continued frankly. She didn’t sound as pained by the admission as Ren would have thought. “However, stupid a hope it might have been.”

“I feel so used,” Ren said, blinking against the sun coming through the trees over. It should be drizzling. Or at least overcast. Something more fitting to Ren’s mood. Ren turned around disgusted that even the weather was trying to fuck her over. “My work,” Ren growls. “Six years of my life, Hux. Everything I worked for. Everything my grand-” Ren broke off. She couldn’t 

“Then you should use that,” Hux said in that same tone; all knowing and dispassionate. Like she was telling Ren to take an umbrella if the forecast predicted rain. Ren grimaced. Hux turned and sought out her eyes. There’s a spark of something Ren hasn’t seen before. It belayed the emotions her voice lacks. “He needs to pay. He needs to not be allowed to do this again. You know it.”

Ren didn’t say anything. She didn’t know what she was expecting. Hux didn’t wallow. She took action. Always the most logical course of action. Ren’s next move must seem obvious to her. 

Snoke stole Ren’s work, so sue Snoke for intellectual property theft.

Simple cause and effect. Everything slots into place. She can contest

“You didn’t really bring me out here just to tell me that story, did you?”

“I brought you out here to get perspective,” Hux states, seriously, before her voice takes on a wry quality. “Is it working?” 

“Yes.”

“Good. What are you thinking?”

“That you’re right,” Ren exhales. “He needs to pay. I need to protect what’s mine.” She glances sideways at Hux. She’s watching her“You called your father.” It’s not a question. If she knew Hux, which Ren did, she had already planned three to four steps ahead of this one. Hux answers anyway.

“He wants to help.”

Ren didn’t like the idea of taking help from someone. She didn’t like the idea of what her mother will say. She didn’t like how Rey looked at her when she told her what had happened. She didn’t want to take handouts from Hux’s father just because she was dating his daughter. But she’d rather take his help than go crawling back to Leia and Han for lawyer’s fees.

“Then,” Ren said. “I’ll meet with him.”

 

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

 

The meeting Hux had already set up for her was mid-morning the next day. Ren couldn’t say she lacked urgency. Even though they got back to New Haven late, having stopped for a bite to eat; the next morning, Hux’s father had sent a car to pick them up, bright and early.

Ren knew his law offices were in New York City, though she had never met him. The car, however did not stop in front of one of the lobbies of the high rises, but a swanky restaurant. Ren hasn’t spent much time in this part of the city and she’s never felt like she was missing out. Whenever her mother brought her to a restaurant like this Ren always felt like pretentious waste, rather than something she should lust after. The sort of place where the people and curtains were stiff but the drinks weren’t. Still, the had certainly found its clientele, barely eleven o’clock and it was already half full. 

“We’re meeting someone,” Hux tells the hostess. “Hux?”

“Ah, yes,” she said without even looking at the notes behind the podium. “Right this way.”

She takes them through a maze of white linen covered tables, between pairs and trios of business people speaking in hushed tones, to a booth in the back corner of the restaurant, where a portly breaded man sits. 

“Father,” Hux addressing him, as he rises and clasps Hux’s arm, drawing her into his space, but not a full hug.

“Meda,” he said, giving her a soft kiss on the cheek. Hux returns it. When they part, he a soft smile quirking the corners of his lips. Hux turns to Ren. 

“This is Kylo Ren,” Hux said before moving to take a seat on the other side of the booth. “Ren, this is my father, Brendol Hux.”

To say that having all of Hux Sn.‘s attention turned on her was intense would have been an understatement. Hux’s father may have had sandy brown hair, but at this distance Ren can see he and Hux have the same pale green eyes. It’s uncanny how familiar their weight feels on her once the hostess has left the three of them.

“I wish we were meeting for the first time under better circumstances,” Brendol Hux said as he shakes Ren’s hand.

“Likewise,” Ren said, sitting down in the booth next to Hux. “Thank you for taking the time.”

“Absolutely,” Hux Sn. said, settling himself. “Andromeda tells me you were one of Snoke’s special thesis students.”  
Ren nods.

“And he has stolen your work.”

Ren nodded again. Unsurprised that Hux Sn. also got down to brass tacks as soon as possible, just like his daughter. 

“Alright. If you let me represent you here’s what we will do: The first step we will take is to file an injunction against Snoke using the material any more than he already has. Then, in court, we’ll proceed to get your work back and have Snoke removed from Yale.”

Ren blinked. Hux Sn. said that like it was all in a days work. Like he could just get her life back. Like it was that easy.

“He’s tenured,” Ren said dumbly.

“All the more reason to get him barred from instruction,” Hux said. 

“We won’t win,” Ren said, wondering if she was the only one looking at this realistically. No one would take the word of a previously arrested graduate student over a well respected scientist and professor like Snoke. 

“Yes, we _would_ ,” Brendol affirmed. “He needs to be removed from his position of influence before he can do this to anymore students.”

“But there haven’t been others. Have there?” Ren asked. 

It’s then that Brendol Hux sits forward, his large arms crossing on the small table top. “I’ve been in touch with some of Snoke’s previous students. From what the ones who were willing to talk would say, this behavior - the gas-lighting, the isolation tactics, and the intellectual property theft- this has all happened before. It’s a pattern. You’re not the first and unless we stop him; you won’t be the last.”

Ren’s stomach had been steadily twisting itself into knots since they had sat down opposite of Hux’s dad. Now her it was roiling. She couldn’t believe it, but then she couldn’t believe it had happened to her. 

“How’d you find all this in ... the span of a few days?” Ren asked. Brendol chuckled.

“On a case like this, we need to act quickly. But that’s what being a partner at a respected law firm gets you; a team of highly skilled lawyers and detectives to do your grunt work.”

Ren took a breath. 

“Even if I agree to proceed,” Ren started, stamping down on her embarrassment at even having to broach this subject after Hux Sn.’s endorsement. “I don’t have enough money to pay your fees.”

“You don’t need to worry about that,” he dismissed.

“I don’t want your handouts,” Ren bite out. This was embarrassing enough as it was. 

“I think you forget,” Brendol Hux began not unduly harsh. “That man mentored my daughter for a time too. She could just as easily be where you are now.”

Ren felt her breath catch in her throat. She hadn’t thought of it that way. She stared across the table at Mr. Hux. 

Then Ren felt Hux seek out the hand which she hadn’t even realized was clutching her knee. She pried the fingers loose and intertwined them with her own. Hux wasn’t one to hold hands and _yet_. It was strange but comforting. 

“Besides, I think we have a strong case,” Brendol Hux continued. “It’ll be personally satisfying to put this fucking creep out of a job.”

“At the least,” Hux added. 

Brendol inclined his head, agreeing with his daughter. 

Ren took another deep breath and gripped Hux’s hand a little tighter. 

“Then let’s do this.”

 

\- }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ - }o{ -

 

Though she had agreed to Hux Sn.’s plan for suing Snoke, Ren had gone through the motions as if they were an exercise in tilting windmills. Hux had shown her that she should fight this. Reminded her that it was necessary. It was. But that didn’t mean she believed they _would_ win. 

Brendol’s assurance they would win the case hadn’t really instilled much confidence in Ren either. Words were just that. Snoke had fed them to her for years and every last one of them had ended up meaning nothing.

But Hux’s father was a brilliant lawyer, who had a veritable team of detectives at his beck and call. It was the evidence they gathered that made Ren start to believe they had more than a _chance_ at a he-said-she-said squabbling match. Ren actually dared to hope they might win the case.

On top of the testimonies Brendol had dragged out of Snoke’s past student’s, he had gathered character evidence both for her and against Snoke. That was how Ren found out that a number of Snoke’s colleagues found him to be ‘unscrupulous’ and ‘mendacious.’ Ren had been under the impression Snoke was well respected at Yale, but since the start of this Brendol’s rooting around had caused all types of people to come out of the woodwork to try and get him fired. Even the former Physics chair, went on the record saying Snoke had blackmailed him into early retirement. Honestly, Ren wouldn’t be surprised if Brendol had pulled a character witness who claimed to have seen Snoke murdering puppies for fun in front of small children he’d tied to chairs. 

Still even with all the preparation they had undertaken, it seemed unreal when Ren’s court date actually arrived. She and Hux were standing just outside the court room, while Brendol was inside

The clock was counting down and all of Ren’s insides were buzzing at just the right frequency to make her something very close to nauseous. She was going to have to see Snoke again. Not only that, but sit in the same room as him for the next couple of days. And he was going to keep lying about her work being his.

Ren had counted herself as blessed to not have run into him since before Hux had taken her up to Maine and then to meet with her father, because Ren had been sure she would have just straight up started punching him. Ren was worried the urge would show its head in court. But when Hux nudged her to turn from the window and she saw Snoke approaching, Ren couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pity for the man.

She had always seen her former mentor as this all knowing being. He commanded the room whenever he was in and was had been a genius. But now he just seemed small, forced to feed off of other people’s work to subsist. It was pathetic.

Snoke glared daggers at them as he and his lawyer swept passed, through the double doors into their court room.

“I still don’t know what he was thinking,” Hux said, quietly having already turned back to the window before the doors had closed again. 

Ren turned to her. 

“Sure, he’d conned other students out of their work,” Hux elaborated, squinting out the window. Ren followed her gaze and apparently Hux was watching a truck collect trash from a set of dumpsters. 

“This makes more sense than what he did to you,” Ren pointed out, as the trash truck moved down the street to the next set of cans.

“Yeah, but you’re...” Hux trailed off, still looking perplexed. “You obviously have recourse here.”

“He didn’t account for you,” Ren said, quietly, turning to face Hux.

Hux’s lip curled up in disgust, following Ren’s train of thought. She turned to pin Ren with her gaze. “Please, you’re not _that_ much of a wilting flower.”

“You’re right,” Ren conceded, shrugging. “I would have snapped out of it eventually, but I still wouldn’t have been able to find a lawyer who would be willing to do this amount of legwork in order to win the case. I couldn’t afford it on my own. Certainly wouldn’t have asked my parents.”

“You would have taken out a loan, Ren,” Hux said, unconvinced. “You wouldn’t have sat by. We both know how much this means to you.”

Hux was probably right. She had wanted to follow in her grandfather’s footsteps, not to his end.

“Still. Thank you,” Ren said, as a law clerk rushed passed them. Even tucked away by the window, the busy thoroughfare which was the hallway they were standing in was really not the place to have this conversation. 

Hux looked over at her sharply in askance.

“For sticking around. Pulling me out of that hole,” Ren elaborated. Hux sat back on her heels, looking like she wanted to argue, but ended up thinking better of it. She nodded.

“You’re welcome,” Hux said. “You’ll be glad to know that I did it for entirely selfish reasons.”

“Is that so?” Ren asked, a wry smile flickering across her lips for the first time in too long. “And what are those? If I can ask. “

“I want us to be one of those double-income-no-kids couples, who go on amazing vacations and live in a really nice flat. And that’s not gonna work if you’ve been blacklisted from the researching physics community,” Hux admitted in her dry, matter of fact voice. Ren honestly couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. Hux was always so careful to never talk about their future together.

“You mean you don’t want to be my sugar momma?”

“I’m not that sweet,” Hux said, grinning wicked. Ren grinned back and took a step closer to Hux. And then another, till she was in Hux’s space, close enough to lean down and kiss her.

“ _Good,_ ” Ren said against Hux’s lips. 

“Kylo, two minutes,” Brendol said, appearing from the doors leading to the courtroom and reminding them they were in a crowded public building. “Andromeda, stop distracting her,” he scolded Hux, before ducking back into the room.

“You ready?” Hux asked. Either she was or she wasn’t, it didn’t really matter, because it was happening either way.

“Got to be,” Ren shrugged. 

“You’re going to win,” Hux repeated, as she pressed her lips to Ren’s forehead. “And I’ll be right behind you,”

“Yeah,” Ren agreed, reassured. “Shall we?”

“Yes,” Hux agreed, turning towards the door. But before she start, Ren grabbed Hux’s hand. 

Ren caught her grimace as she glanced down at their joined hands.

But Hux didn’t pull her hand away though and they walked in together.


End file.
